you, and show you great and
mighty things, which you do
not know." - (Jeremiah 33:3)
These last several weeks I've been having major issues with my Internet provider. I've been missing several e-mails, and even worse, a great many of mine are not reaching their destinations--even when flagged as High Priority.
At first I was unaware of the problem, and found myself jumping to conclusions as to why people were not responding, and the more conclusions I jumped to, the more upset I became. But oddly enough, even after I found out that it was nothing personal or intentional, but rather that these people really weren't getting my e-mails, that upset feeling lingered on.
When I called my provider to report the problem, they checked my settings and some other things on their side, and then pretty much blew me off, saying it had to be a problem on my end since everything seemed to be working fine on theirs. And then to add insult to injury, a well intentioned friend sided with the provider and told me I must be doing something wrong because a server doesn't have the intelligence to let some e-mails go through and not others. It would be an all or nothing proposition.
Overwhelmed by feelings of hurt and powerlesness, I decided to have a pity party instead of taking it all to the foot of the Cross. Long forgotten tapes started playing in my mind. The times the most important people in my life, who I thought would be there for me, took the other person's side; the never knowing what it was like to be loved unconditionally; the times when I had been made fun of, or been picked last for a team; and on and on.
After I had wallowed in that for a while, I thought back to the little girl whose mom would punish her by giving her the silent treatment for what seemed like an eternity, and turn a deaf ear no matter how she cried or apologized, or even became hysrterical in her attempts to have her presence acknowledged by the one she counted on for her survival.
Then as suddenly as the pity party started, it came to an end, and as I snapped back to reality, I found myself thinking, wow! Where did all that come from? It wasn't so long ago that I had told a friend how I didn't hold on to things for long. This flood of buried memories surely proved me wrong. Oh Lord, help me to release them and let them go. Forgive me for dwelling on them for even a moment. I could have turned those tapes off the instant they started playing and focused, instead, on all the awesome ways you have manifested in my life. Those are the tapes I should have been playing and focusing on.
How could I forget for even a moment that you loved me so much (and dear reader, this applies to you too), that you sent Jesus to die for me on the cross so I could be forgiven of my sins and enjoy eternal life; that my face is engraved on the palm of your hand and you save my tears in a vial; that you rejoice over me with singing; that I am a one of a kind original created by you for a special purpose nobody else can fulfill. I may be powerless to do things in my own strength, but you can use me in a powerful way if I yield myself to you, and when I stop trying to be in control and lay my burdens down at the foot of the Cross, you come through as only you can do. There are so many things that are impossible with man, but all things are possible with you.
Grateful doesn't even start to describe how I feel about your faithfulness and unfailing love; your mercies that are new every morning; and that you never give up on me, even when I am ready to give up on myself; Thank you for never being too busy, or turning a deaf ear when I call.
"To the Lord our God belong mercy and
forgiveness, though we have rebelled
against him." - (Daniel 9:9)