WHEN GOD'S PLAN IS A DIFFERENT PLAN

Many are the plans in a person's heart, 
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
(Proverbs 29:19)

As I lie on an echocardiography table listening to blood slosh through valves, the enormity of what I've been through overwhelms me. My plan had always been to choose hospice over treatment should any major disease overtake me, but God had another plan.

My life flashes before my eyes, and I ponder how differently it turned out than I ever expected or imagined.

I remember the dreams, when I was young, of falling in love with someone I would grow old with, of having a close-knit family that enjoyed doing things together. I did fall in love, get married, and have a family, but my husband and I did not grow old together, and the many mistakes I made as a single mom could have killed any chance for the strong bonds I yearned for, had God not had a better plan.

In the years that followed, so many poor choices, so many squandered opportunities, but so great evidence of God’s mercy as well.

I think of friends I went to school with who appear to have lived successful, meaningul lives, and quickly remind myself that comparison is never a good thing. We are all Divine originals, one of a kind creations--not copies or imitations. The very things I feel most remorseful about are the things that led me to Jesus. I wonder if I ever would have felt a need for His saving grace had I pursued my talents and education to their fullest, or if, instead, I would have spent my life chasing after the things this world has to offer, instead of the things that have eternal value? 

Despite my age, I am still a work in progress, grateful that God does not measure success in numbers. I know that I am exactly what and where I need to be for this particular moment in His plan. From His perspective, my life is not the tragic waste I so often think it to be.  If I reach that one person He intended for me to reach, bring hope to that one discouraged heart, or lead that one soul out of darkness to the foot of the Cross, then my purpose will have been accomplished, and my life not lived in vain.