A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE IS ALL IT TAKES

Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

(From hymn Be Still My Soul)

It's amazing how one small incident, so insignificant in the big scheme of things, could trigger unhealed childhood wounds I didn't even know still existed, and create such intense emotional turmoil.

On the plus side, I was able to restrain myself from reacting the way I wanted to, and would have in the past, but it took three rounds before I could do so without a twinge and know I had truly released it and let it go.

Closure, and a summary of the lesson learned, came in the form of this verse and commentary on Job 29-31 in my Daily Walk Bible reading for today.

Be still and know that I am God! (Psalm 46:10a)

The urge to talk, to defend, to demand explanations is strong in all of us. But take a lesson from Job. Sometimes it is preferable--and wiser--to say nothing and merely to listen for the still, small voice of God.

THE LETTER F

 

It's funny how the Lord works, and how He manages to redirect my thoughts in the most unexpected ways.

Today I started writing a frivolous post to distract my mind from weightier issues. 

F is for flower...

F is for fungi...

F is for flashback Friday...

The next F word that came to mind was forgiveness, and what I had written here the other day about an old, old post the Lord had led me to when I asked Him to open my eyes to any unhealed subconscious wounds from my past that were still affecting me, as well as any areas where I might still be harboring unforgiveness. 

And then immediately, as though lit up by flashing neon lights, the word flashback in "F is for flashback Friday," redirecting me to that old post instead of the photo from my archives that I intended to use.

So much for trying to distract my thoughts from weightier issues. That old post was at the very heart of the weightier issue I had been trying to distract myself from. How the other day I thought I had passed the test, but then came two more, and I didn't do as well with them. All they did was show me that I'm still allowing the enemy to use those old memories to push my buttons, and I'm not as unoffendable as I think I am.

I just read and re-read that old post again and realized that it contains the very solution I'm looking for. Who would have thought that the Lord would bring to my attention something I wrote 15 years ago and didn't even remember. What more proof do I need that He really does bring anything I write, however long ago it was written, to the attention of anyone He intends it to be read by--even me.

THE TEST

Writing in my journal during my quiet time this morning (as part of my homework on forgiveness and emotional wounds), I coudn't really think of anyone I needed to forgive, or any unhealed emotional wounds that I'm still being affected by, but the Lord proved me wrong.

I was writing out a prayer asking Him to open my eyes to any areas in my subconscious where I was still harboring unforgiveness, and to reveal any unconscious wounds that still weren't healed. And, just like that, He did. 

He took me way, way back to a blog post I wrote 15 years ago. It was a post so old I didn't remember writing it. Nor did I remember the incident I wrote about, or the friend I mentioned, but it did bring back some memories of old wounds inflicted in childhood and early adulthood. 

I thought they were healed though, because they just felt like old memories with no real emotion attached to them anymore--like an old scar or scab might be. Why was the Lord showing me this? 

I already knew this was what lay behind my tendency to jump to conclusions and feel slighted and upset when people seem to ignore me, or when they don't respond to texts or e-mails. Even though it still bothers me some, I thought I had come a long way in my quest to live an unoffendable life.

Well, there was an unexpected Part 2 coming, where the Lord would allow me to be tested to measure my progress.

THE TEST:  I shared the link to my post, along with my insights, with my group leader and asked if it would be appropriate to share on our study group FB page. She gave a very enthusiastic yes, so I did, and it was promptly removed. 

MY GRADE: I don't think my grade on the test was as good as I would have liked it to be, as my first knee-jerk reaction was, "I'm never going to share anything on that page again." But, neither could it have been too bad, because I pretty quickly caught myself and switched my focus away from the thoughts and conclusions that were starting to infiltrate my mind, to the many times the Lord has shown me that He can bring anything I write, however long ago it was written, to the attention of anyone (one or many) He intends it to be read by. My job is to keep writing and leave the results to Him. 

BELIEVING THE LIES

You saw me before I was born. 

Every day of my life was 

recorded in your book. Every 

moment was laid out before 

a single day had passed.

(Psalm 139:16, NLT)

I'd been struggling with my bible study homework on the topic of recognizing and breaking free from the lies we believe and replacing them with truths from God's Word. Trying to discern what really is a lie and what I wish was a lie, but really isn't.

There are things in my life that look as though they will never change, but the Lord has been showing me that they are changing--I'm just missing it because it's not happening the way I expected/wanted it to.

Sometimes things are very intricate. It's not always just about me, but rather about the part He created me to play in His story, and how He may allow one thing to happen to bring about another, and it's only in retrospect that I get to understand why things played out the way they did.

It's all about trusting that no matter how things may be looking in the natural, God is in control and working everything out according to His perfect plan. It's about remembering that even though it may not seem so perfect to me at this particular moment in time, it's because I'm just seeing an incomplete part of it. Only He sees the end from the beginning.

Once again the Lord has used one of my plants to illustrate a point. I'm thinking of my tomato plant out on the balcony. Despite being invaded by this year's plague of spotted lanternflies that stripped it of most of its leaves, it has continued to do what it was created to do without giving any thought to lies suggesting it would not be able to survive the infestation.

It was a late bloomer, but has produced (and is still producing), the best crop of cherry tomatoes I've ever been able to grow. Although it's not a bumper crop by any means, there's at least a couple every day that are ready to be picked, and they are perfectly healthy and delicious--unlike previous years when they had blossom end rot or some other such deficiency-caused blemish.

My friend, who know much more about plants than I do, claims it's because the lanternflies have kept the plant naturally pruned, destroying the leaves on it, so that the tomatoes could get all the nutrients they needed. 

To me, that is a good illustration of something that does not look so good at first serving a good purpose after all.