THE TEST

Writing in my journal during my quiet time this morning (as part of my homework on forgiveness and emotional wounds), I coudn't really think of anyone I needed to forgive, or any unhealed emotional wounds that I'm still being affected by, but the Lord proved me wrong.

I was writing out a prayer asking Him to open my eyes to any areas in my subconscious where I was still harboring unforgiveness, and to reveal any unconscious wounds that still weren't healed. And, just like that, He did. 

He took me way, way back to a blog post I wrote 15 years ago. It was a post so old I didn't remember writing it. Nor did I remember the incident I wrote about, or the friend I mentioned, but it did bring back some memories of old wounds inflicted in childhood and early adulthood. 

I thought they were healed though, because they just felt like old memories with no real emotion attached to them anymore--like an old scar or scab might be. Why was the Lord showing me this? 

I already knew this was what lay behind my tendency to jump to conclusions and feel slighted and upset when people seem to ignore me, or when they don't respond to texts or e-mails. Even though it still bothers me some, I thought I had come a long way in my quest to live an unoffendable life.

Well, there was an unexpected Part 2 coming, where the Lord would allow me to be tested to measure my progress.

THE TEST:  I shared the link to my post, along with my insights, with my group leader and asked if it would be appropriate to share on our study group FB page. She gave a very enthusiastic yes, so I did, and it was promptly removed. 

MY GRADE: I don't think my grade on the test was as good as I would have liked it to be, as my first knee-jerk reaction was, "I'm never going to share anything on that page again." But, neither could it have been too bad, because I pretty quickly caught myself and switched my focus away from the thoughts and conclusions that were starting to infiltrate my mind, to the many times the Lord has shown me that He can bring anything I write, however long ago it was written, to the attention of anyone (one or many) He intends it to be read by. My job is to keep writing and leave the results to Him.