CALM AFTER THE STORM

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests

and challenges come at you from all sides.

You know that under pressure, your faith-

life is forced into the open and shows its

true colors. So don't try to get out of any-

thing prematurely. Let it do its work so

you become mature and well-developed,

not deficient in any way.

(James 1:2-4, The Message)

A very timely verse in one of my devotionals this morning.

Despite reading/listening to Unoffendable by Brant Hansen multiple times and believing I had finally mastered the message, I had not.

The last couple of days I had been struggling with anger. No, it was more than that. It was rage triggered by two deceitful people who managed to push all my buttons I didn't think were left to push. And then as the intensity of feelings escalated beyond boiling point, I realized there was much more behind it than the incidents that had sparked it. It was like a dam had broken deep beneath the surface and my mind was being flooded by intense feelings that had been repressed for too long. Scary insight for someone who thought they no longer had any anger towards anyone, and had forgiven and let go of all wrongs from the past.

I prayed, but my prayers did not calm me, and I was unable to stay focused on the project I had been working on, so I turned to some mindless paperwork and something I could listen to while doing it. Maybe some praise and worship music.

The first thing that came up when I went to YouTube was this livestream of a service at First Baptist Atlanta. It started with praise and worship, but what finally managed to calm me was Dr. Anthony George's message--"Our Plans in God's Hands."

 

It came with words that felt were being spoken right to me--RELEASE THEM TO GOD!--near the end of the message, when Pastor George was talking about how we can't control people, circumstances, or Satan. 

He mentioned a book that had recently caught his eye, which he purchased and read, called "Let Them" by Mel Robbins (which I have just ordered from the library, and am number 257 in queue).  "Let them" referring to the fact that we can't control what other people do, or their attitudes or mindsets.  We need to release them to God, and let them sow their seeds and reap their crops.

I went to bed feeling great peace that night, but when I woke up the next morning, instead of my usual first thoughts of the day which tend to be, "Thank you, God, for the gift of this new day and for watching over me and protecting me while I slept," the very first thought was of one of the people who had enraged me the most, and the incident that provoked it. 

My remorse was profound, but God in His infinite mercy and grace, instead of rebuking me, reminded me of Matthew 5:44-45 and Romans 12:14, and laid it on my heart to pray for the person, which I did. 

At first it was really hard, because we were in a power struggle over an issue that I had the right to but he was defying, and there was no way I could force him to do what I wanted him to do. But as I kept praying and purposing to trust God and relinquish my need to be right and desire to be in control and have my own way, my heart softened towards him, I gradually began seeing things from a different perspective, and there was true calm when I finallly reached the place where I could no longer see why I had been so angry with him in the first place.