AN ENCOURAGING THOUGHT IN THE MIDST OF A STORM

Who is like you, LORD God Almighty? 

You, LORD, are mighty and your

faithfulness surrounds you.

(Psalm 89:8)

An encouraging thought from today's devotional in God Loves Her:

"No matter what obstacles we face or how many obstacles we have to endure, God holds us as the waves rise and fall." (Written by my favorite contributor, Xochitl)

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November seems to have gone by in a flash. This last day brought a wonderful surprise. The results of my recent bloodwork were posted to the patient portal, and not only was every item on the cholesterol panel normal, but it was the best cholesterol report I ever remember having. 

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Feeling twice blessed by all the yummy leftovers I get to enjoy for my supper tonight. 

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Feeling thankful for my family, and for my granddaughter who hosted Thanksgiving this year and made it so special.

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An honest compliment about the painting I recently finished from a friend who is very artistic and wasn't just trying to make me feel good. Hearing her say it looked really nice made my day.

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Feeling thankful for my friend who came over today and stretched the canvas I had been working on for me.

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A $20 gift card from SBKC.  

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Usually I'm the who needs help getting my shopping bags up the stairs to my apartment. Feeling grateful to have been able to do that for someone else today.

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Thanks to my very generous daughter,  being able to have someone come in once a month for a couple of hours to help me with my chores. 

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Feeling grateful to have never been homeless, and for the blessing of a warm, comfortable home with a reliable thermostat.

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Buds on my Christmas cactus cuttings.

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A heavy downpour after a long drought.

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Forty percent off plus free shipping on the new paint-by-number kits I ordered. 

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Went to get my one small cavity filled today. My dentist has retired, so I made an appointment with one of the new doctors at the practice. It was a horrific experience. Feeling very grateful for Tylenol, and that it's working.

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A large box of jigsaw puzzles a friend gave me.

30 DAYS OF THANKSGIVING - 16: THERE IS NO EXCUSE

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers, against the authorities,

against the powers of this dark world and against

the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

(Ephesians 6:12, NIV)

What I did was without excuse. My neighbor is moving and reached out to offer me something she was looking to get rid of, and though I could have used it, I rejected it in a most unkind and hurtful way. Though I later texted her an apology, my heart feels heavy that I have again missed the boat and failed a test.

When this neighbor first moved in I had high hopes that we would become good friends, and that probably was the Lord's intention, but not in the way I expected or hoped. I was thinking only about me, and how I would benefit from this relationship, rather than about how I could become a good neighbor and friend to her

She has a lot of baggage (as do I), and managed to push every button I have. Whatever she did, even with the best of intentions, came across as annoying, irritating, condescending, deceitful, or manipulative. 

What an opportunity to practice seeing someone through the Lord's eyes instead of my own, and to respond with the same patience, kindness, grace, and unconditional love He extends to me. What an opportunity, as well, to explore, identify, and address, why my buttons were being pushed. (As the old saying goes, when you point a finger at someone, there are four other fingers pointing back at you.)

In hindsight, I realize the Lord had offered me an invaluable gift that I rejected, and I'm feeling gently rebuked as several Scriptures come to mind:

Galatians 6:10--Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

Acts 20:35--In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

And then the whole passage about the sheep and goats in Matthew 25 that contains the verses, The King will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." (verse 40), and He will reply, "Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me." (verse 45) 

OUCH!!!

I am truly remorseful to have sinned against the Lord in this way, and am praying He will show me how I can make things right with my neighbor--over and beyond my lame apology. 

I am grateful beyond words that the Lord doesn't treat me the way I deserve, or respond to me the way I have responded to my neighbor so very many times. I am so, so grateful for His mercies that are new every morning and that He never gives up on me.  

Psalm 103:10-14 -- he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

1 John 1:9 -- But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.

With this post I am confessing my sin. I am trying to forgive myself the way I know the Lord has already forgiven me, as well as absorb the lessons contained in this eye-opening experience so I do not repeat my transgression.

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A wonderful surprise greeted me when I went to the library today. 

Beautiful flowers in the two empty spots where the azalea bushes used to be.

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Feeling very thankful that my dentist had rescheduled the appointment I was supposed to have today. Today turned out to be a dreary, rainy day, and I felt as though I was coming down with a nasty cold.

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The view from my window. 

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There were several things I was thankful for today, but the greatest was that my daughter was here when my thumb got caught between the legs of a folding TV snack tray I was trying to fold and I couldn't get it out. She came to my rescue in a flash. 

A very practical example of the meaning of 1 Thessalonians 5:18--In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you--which is so often misinterpreted. 

It does not mean that we should give thanks for the distressing things that happen to us (such as the pain of my thumb getting caught between the legs of the table and the panic of not being able to get it out), but rather, that we should find something to be thankful for in the midst of it (like not being alone when it happened and having someone who could do it for me so I could get my thumb out). I was also thankful to have a soft gel pack in the freezer we could immediately wrap around it once we got it out.

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Feeling thankful for the stash of frozen grapes in my freezer.

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Before the pandemic, members of our prayer team at church used to meet in the prayer room on Sundays to pray for the services as they were going on. Sadly we did not resume doing this after we were able to go back. 

Sometimes I would go in and pray by myself, but it's not the same as having others to pray with.

Now, thanks to one of the elders who had left around that time but has returned, the ministry is starting up again. Today was our first day.

Feeling grateful for this unexpected new beginning.

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Signs of new life in one of my succulent plants that has been dormant for a very long time. Feeling thankful I did not give up on it, and that the Lord never gives up on me either.

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Feeling grateful for my faithful, long-time prayer partner and friend.

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Feeling extra thankful for clean water to drink and a well stocked pantry and freezer. May I never take these luxuries for granted.

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Feeling grateful beyond words for the new iPhone my daughter just bought me to replace my old one that got smashed in the Harris Teeter parking lot on Monday.

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I brush them all, and although none would have been better, I was very thankful for just one small cavity at my routine dental checkup.

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I am thankful for my kind, loving, caring, thoughtful, fun-loving daughter. She is, and has always been, a very special blessing.

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Grateful for a beautiful blue sky day and a lot of fall colors still left to enjoy on my way home from church.

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Feeling very grateful for good vision and a steady hand as I work on an intricate project.

30 DAYS OF THANKSGIVING - 1

 

This book, How To Pray by Pete Greig. 

It is one of the best books on prayer I have ever read. 

Today's gem was a quote that reminded me not to get frustrated by Facebook's algorithms that keep many of my posts from being visible and that have twice suspended my account for invalid reasons. 

God is in control, and there is no algorithm that can prevent Him from getting a post to whoever He wants it to get to.  

All that is not the love of God has no meaning for me ... If God wants it to, my life will be useful through my word and witness. If He wants it to, my life will bear fruit through my prayers and sacrifices. But the usefulness of my life is His concern, not mine, and it would be indecent of me to worry about that. -- Dominique Voillaume

THANK YOU 'MA'

This was copied and pasted from I'm Mostly Known As "MA"s blog ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. It is a blog full of positivity and encouragement, and this little piece of advice is something I'm taking to heart.

Decide to be happy today, to live with what is yours – your family, your business, your job, your luck. If you can’t have what you like, maybe you can like what you have.

Just for today, be kind, cheerful, agreeable, responsive, caring, and understanding. Be your best, dress your best, talk softly, and look for the bright side of things. Praise people for what they do and do not criticize them for what they cannot do. If someone does something stupid, forgive and forget. After all, it’s just for one day.

Who knows, it might turn out to be a nice day.

DO IT FOR AN AUDIENCE OF ONE

Whatever you do, work at it with all

your heart, as working for the Lord,

not for human masters,

(Colossians 3:23)

The other day was a pity party type of day, as I wondered yet again why I bother writing or offering to share my testimony, and why every time something looks promising and I get all excited about it, it falls flat. 

For as long as I can remember, my heart's desire has been to make a difference and to feel significant, but other than for the brief period of time when I was a published numerologist deeply steeped in New Age and occult practices, back in the days before the Lord rescued me from the dark path I was on, no one seems interested in anything I have to offer. 

A memory that showed up on my Facebook wall recently convicted me to ask the question, "who am I doing it for?"  It was a post written by Nightbirde, a beautiful soul who was an incredible inspiration and encouragement, and yet who never knew just how many lives she had impacted and made a difference to.

Not that I compare myself to her in any way, but her words hit home. Especially the part about what she learned from one of her journalism professors about the difference between a story worth writing and a public relations stunt. A real story still has meaning even if no one ever hears it; a PR stunt only matters if people are watching.

Each life is a unique story, and even if we are not all that we wish we were, and no one else ever knows about it, it is still a story worth hearing. Those thoughts, and my devotional this morning entitled "An Audience of One," reminded me that we are all Divine originals, created on purpose by an intentional God to fulfill a special purpose no one else can fulfill (Psalm 139:13-16). Whatever we do should be for His glory.

It's not about us; it's not about me. Each one of us has a unique story with special meaning even if no one else ever knows about it. Even if we are not all that we wish we were, it is still a story worth hearing. 

And so, back to the question I started out with, about why bother writing something so few people read, it's because using the gift the Lord created me to use is my gift back to Him. I am promising myself that going forward, I will write for an audience of One, trusting that He will put whatever He inspires me to write in the hands of whoever the message is intended for, in His perfect time and way.

LET IT GO

Be still, and know that I am God. -- Psalm 46:10a

Letting go is what I'm working on.

When I obeyed the prompt to let it go in the midst of a very frustrating situation this week, all the inner turmoil I had been experiencing was instantly replaced with an amazing peace. It made me want to practice letting go of so much more than just frustrating situations.

There are many aspects of my life that feel overwhelming. 

Even though I know God is in control, that He loves me, and that I can trust Him, I'm still experiencing quite a bit of fear about the unknown, and about the things I can't control. 

My eyes are gradually being opened to the fact that most of my faith is in my head. It has not yet become incorporated into my heart. 

Writing this post feels a little scary, because it means if I truly mean what I say, and I do, my faith will be tested. This earth is like a classroom where those who have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ are being conformed into His image, and the only way to know whether we have really learned a lesson or not, is by how we respond when we are tested. 

What the Lord has been showing me is that I have a long, long way to go.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. -- Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

As my experience this week so aptly showed me, when we recognize God's sovereignty and let go, we leave room for Him to move, and His ways and His timing are so much better than ours.

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Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. -- Philippians 4:6-7, NIV

You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you! -- Isaiah 26:3, NLT

LOOK UP INSTEAD OF AROUND

The wildflowers I planted on my balcony did really well this summer . The packet of seeds said they would attract butterflies and hummingbirds. I felt full of hope.

One morning I heard chirping. I looked to see where it was coming from and saw a little bird perched on the rail next to the hanging pot of yellow and white flowers, chirping its little heart out. It made my own heart soar with thanksgiving. I was full of eager anticipation at the thought of what else the flowers would attract.

Several days later, I glimpsed a flurry of movement out of the corner of my eye. It turned out to be a hummingbird flitting from the pot of yellow flowers pictured above to the pot of blue ones on the table across from them. It hovered there for a while, drinking long and deep.

I could hardly contain my excitement. For sure it would be back and bring along some friends. But it didn't. In fact, I never saw another bird of any kind the rest of the summer, nor any butterflies either.

It made me sad. Not so much the lack of butterflies, because I have hardly seen any this year in my neck of the woods--not even out by the flower beds in the courtyard. But I did feel crushed by disappointment that there were no more hummingbirds. What happened? The one I had seen seemed to really be enjoying the flowers. 

And then my thoughts turned to a place where they should not have gone.

My disappointment over the hummingbird that never returned led to thoughts of other disappointments and dashed expectations. I thought of people, who at first seemed to want to be friends, and it made me so happy I had already started thanking the Lord for sending them my way, but then nothing ever came of it. 

Like the hummingbird, they were attracted to something about me, but I failed to live up to their expectations. 

Those were just fleeting thoughts though, and it took hardly any time before I reminded myself that things aren't always the way they seem. I thought of how many times I have jumped to wrong conclusions that turned out not to be what I thought at all. Maybe the hummingbird did come back, but I didn't see it. Only God knows the whole story. 

When I look up instead of around, I feel enormous gratitude for Jesus and for His unconditional love. A love that cannot be earned, and that is not contingent on the things that I do or that I have to offer. A love that is so great that He shed His blood for me on the Cross (and for you too, dear reader, if anyone is reading this) so that we could be forgiven of our sins, adopted into the family of God, and receive the gift of eternal life. 

I know that He will never leave me or forsake me, and that He is always at my side.

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For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. -- John 3:16, NIV

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. -- Ephesians 2:8-9, ESV

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. -- Romans 8:38-39, ESV

MORE IS SOMETIMES LESS

Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help, who

rely on horses, who trust in the multitude of their 

chariots and in the great strength of their horsemen,

but do not look to the Holy One of Israel, or seek 

help from the LORD. -- Isaiah 31:1, NIV

Two "More Is Less" messages on the same day. 

The first one was at our Sunday morning service at church. Our pastor has been preaching through the book of Judges, and the sermon was on Gideon and his battle with the Midianites (Judges 7). 

Gideon started out with an army of 32,000 men, but before they went out to battle the enemy, God reduced it to 300 so as  to demonstrate that victory comes from Him, and not from human strength or numbers.

The second message, (a sermon preached by Pastor Jim Cymbala at the Brooklyn Tabernacle), was a reiteration of the first one, but with an added, very timely note that seemed addressed directly to me. The service was not part of a livestream I had planned on watching that day, but one my charging iPhone automatically redirected me to when the program I had been listening to ended. 

I think the Lord was trying to get my attention.

In a nutshell, the second message was taken from 2 Chronicles 25:5-10, which recounts how King Amaziah of Judah (the Southern Kingdom of Israel) thought more was better, and hired 100,000 warriors from the Northern Kingdom for 7500 pounds of silver without first praying about it and seeking God. But God sent a prophet to warn him not to partner with people He was against because He would not be with them. If Amaziah went out to war with them, God would remove His blessing and protection and allow them to be defeated by the enemy. 

So then Amaziah asked the prophet, what about all the money he had paid to hire them, and the prophet told him to let it go. "The LORD is able to give you much more than that." Amaziah received the message, listened to the prophet, and sent the warriors away. As a result, God gave him victory over his enemies.

There were so many takeaways from this sermon that applied to me. Three in particular.

The first was that when God says don't do that, or don't go there, it's because He wants to spare you from your own bad decisions. That caused a long forgotten memory of a messenger the Lord sent me many, many years ago when I was about to commit to a relationship that I had convinced myself was of Him, to resurface. 

Unlike Amaziah's reaction to the prophet God sent to warn him, I felt she was way off base as everyone else, including my pastor at the time, approved of it. I saw only what I wanted to see, heard only what I wanted to hear, and my refusal to take her words seriously cost me big time when everything she had said came to pass just as she had warned it would. 

The second was that more can be less when you do things like take on extra jobs or work longer hours so you can make more money, but it winds up hurting your health or your relationships or your family because you don't have time to spend with them. I have been guilty of that as well, and experienced how the more really is less when I try to resolve my financial problems in my own strength instead of seeking God's will and trusting Him to help me. 

The third, which was more than just a takeaway because of a very scary experience that gave it extra credence, was to not look at what you might lose if you obey God, and try to make compromises to save face, or save money, or whatever. That really hit home. 

I have a major struggle with not wanting to waste food because that is wasting money as well. So if I have something I know is not good for me (especially if it is something I like), instead of throwing it out I rationalize I can just eat it anyway and then not buy it again. 

Let me never forget what happened the last time I did that, which was the day before I heard these messages). I got a giant gas bubble that took away my breath and ability to swallow or even speak. It was so scary, all I could do was think the thought "Help me Jesus," over and over again as I walked around and around my apartment trying to dislodge it.

By His grace, I made it through the night, and the first thing I did the next morning--after I gave Him thanks for the gift of a new day and for watching over me and protecting me through the night--was to throw out everything that was left, even though it was perfectly fine (not spoiled or aything like that), and promise God that going forward I would even pray about the food I choose to eat.

MY NEIGHBOR, MY MIRROR

Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same

way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the

measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you

look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay

no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you

say to your brother, "Let me take the speck out of your 

eye," when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye,

and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from

your brother's eye.  (Matthew 7:1-5, NIV)

So many times I have both read and heard that the things about other people that annoy us the most are usually a reflection of our own flaws. When we judge them, we are actually judging ourselves. 

I stand convicted, and rightly so.

One of the things that most irritates me about a certain neighbor is how she is always jumping to conclusions and passing judgments, and how meddlesome and self-righteous she comes across. It took a comment on a blog post I was reading to create an aha moment in which I suddenly became very aware of how often I do the same. 

The post was about the opening ceremony at the Paris Olympics. I myself had not watched it, and yet I had allowed myself to become just as indignant about it as all the folks who claimed it was a blasphemous take on Da Vinci's portrait of The Last Supper, and that it openly mocked Jesus Christ and the Christian faith. 

When an IFA e-mail urged me to take action and hold NBC accountable for the footage they aired of this "lewd and demonic twist of the Last Supper," by sending a message to Congress and the FCC,  and to forward the call to action to all my friends and family, I was quick to jump on board and spread the venom.

Then, I read the comment. It was written by someone who had actually watched the presentation herself, and I was mortified by the realization of how easily I had been swayed to think the worst, and how rashly I had acted despite the clear warning in Proverbs 18:13 not to make snap judgments based on what we assume about something. (In this case, according to the eye witness, the part of it being lewd was true, but it was actually a depiction of a Bacchanalian feast rather than a demonic twist on the Last Supper).  

I will never know for sure one way or the other, but it did teach me an important lesson about the need to be on my guard so I am not so easily deceived, and to make sure going forward that I stop acting on my assumptions without knowing all the facts.

I am grateful for the wake-up call the Lord used this comment to provide, and my prayer (in agreement with the person who wrote the comment) is, "Lord, help me challenge my first assumptions, especially when I don't have the full context." Amen!

WHY DID YOU DOUBT?

Has there ever been a time when you

cried out to me that I haven't rescued

you? -- (Judges 10:12b, TLB)

Like the Israelites in Old Testament days, I too have cried out to the Lord many times when in a pit of fear or despair, and just as He always came to their rescue, He has always come to mine.

Sometimes my rescue has come at the 11:59th hour, and sometimes not in a way I expected or would have preferred, but one way or another, it has always come, leaving me with a combination of awe, gratitude beyond measure, marvel at my lack of faith, and shame for ever having had any doubts when the Lord has never failed me yet. 

Each time I feel sure I have finally learned my lesson to trust God instead of my eyes or my intellect, no matter how things may be looking in the natural. I promise myself that never again will I allow fear or doubt to gain the upper hand when faced with a similar test.

And then, just like the Israelites, whose reason for grumbling and complaining and being so full of doubts and fears I could never understand given all the mighty miracles they had seen the Lord perform, I too repeat the whole cycle all over again the very next time a re-test comes along.

Today I was looking for a bracelet to wear and came across this band. It says Choose This Day... (I added the dot-dot-dot). It seemed very timely. Hopefully it will serve as a reminder of God's faithfulness whenever I am afraid, as well as the promise I made to myself to choose faith instead of doubt.  

A TEST OF FAITH

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do

not  depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do, and he will

show you which path to take. 

(Proverbs 3:6-7, NLT)

Faith and trust are not the same thing. 

I once heard say that faith is believing something, but trust is acting on your belief. The example given was, seeing a chair and having faith that it is sturdy enough to support me if I sit on it. Trust is the act of demonstrating that faith by actually sitting down on it 

Because I tend to get lost when driving, I usually use my GPS even when I'm going somewhere I've been before. It makes the ride so much more relaxing because I can trust it to get me where I need to go, even if I get distracted and miss a turn.

The other day I was running late for an appointment and the voice on the GPS started directing me to go in an unfamiliar direction which I had never taken to get to this destination before. 

There was a moment of panic. Could I maybe have entered the address to my destination wrong? Should I make the turn I was being told to make, or continue in the familiar direction?  What to do?

I decided to trust. 

Had I not, I later discovered, I would have gotten caught up in a bad traffic jam and not just been late, but have had to miss my appointment altogether.

A good lesson in why we need to always trust God with all our heart, even when it doesn't make sense. He is always in control and sees the whole picture, which we do not. 

A TIMELY REMINDER

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and 

wonderfully made... Your eyes saw my 

substance, being yet unformed, And in 

your book they all were written. The 

days fashioned for me, When as yet 

there were none of them." 

(Psalm 139:14a, 16)

Timely reminder from a post I wrote on my other blog many years ago A Reminder To Me (And To You Too If You Need It).

It's a great little story about contentment from my Streams in The Desert devotional   that I had shared to Facebook and that came up in my FB memories today. 

A king goes into his garden one morning and finds everything withered and dying.  He starts asking the plants what the problem is. The oak says it doesn't want to live any more because it's not tall and beautiful like the pine tree, the pine tree is upset because it can't bear grapes like the grapevine, the grapevine bemoans the fact that that it doesn't produce fruit as large as the peaches on the peach tree, the geranium is disheartened because it's not tall and fragrant like the lilac, and so on it goes throughout the garden until the king gets to the little violet and and comments on how happy he is to see at least one flower bright and perky.  To which the violet responds, "I know I'm small, yet I thought if you wanted an oak or a pine or a peach tree or even a lilac, you would have planted one. Since I knew you wanted a violet, I'm determined to be the best little violet I can be."

What a great reminder that God loves me just as I am, and that I'm a Divine original (which you are too) created for a special purpose that no one else can fulfill. Summed up so beautifully in the little poem at the end of the devotional:

Others may do a greater work,

But you have your part to do;

And no one in all God's family 

Can do it as well as you.

WHEN I CAN'T, GOD CAN

Now all glory to God, who is able,

through his mighty power at work

within us, to accomplish infinitely

more than we might ask or think.

(Ephesians 3:20, NLT)

Every year our church starts out the year with 21 days of prayer and fasting (not necessarily from food). This year we've been learning how to pray through the Psalms, and every morning at 7:00 AM, there's been an interactive devotional on Facebook led by one of the pastors. Although a replay is available for later, it is only actually interactive for those who watch live, so I've been getting up much earlier than normal.

At first it was really hard because I'm not an early riser, and also because it doubles, and sometimes even triples my usual morning quiet time, getting the rest of my day off to a very late start. As a result, instead of trying to be in control of my day my way, I've had to trust the Lord to enable me to get everything done I need to do in much less time than I normally have to do it in and that never seems to be enough either.

Amazingly, as I relinquish my day to Him, trust Him to order my steps and orchestrate my time, and am obedient to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, I've been able to accomplish a lot more and with a lot less stress. I feel myself drawing closer to Him than I have in a long while and never realized how much I've missed it.

Today was almost like a throwback to something that happened many years ago (documented here) when the Lord revealed to me that even though He is invisible, He could still teach me how to do anything I thought I needed a human person for, and do it even better.

For weeks I've been struggling with a book cover template that I couldn't figure out how to get to do what I needed. My daughter tried to help me, but she couldn't figure it out either, and I had already exhausted all other sources I thought could show me how to get it to work. Finally, I decided to start over from scratch, but that didn't work either, despite all my prayers.

Then, suddenly, when I was about to give up, ideas started to flow, and step by improvised step, the Holy Spirit led me through a complex way of getting around it that I most definitely could never have come up with on my own. 

RANDOM MUSINGS ABOUT TRUSTING GOD AND ABOUT THE PAST

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do

not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do, and he will

show you which path to take.

(Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

The old year ended with some unexpected sad surprises that reminded me for the millionth time not to take things for granted.

Going into the new year my greatest desire is to be able to be totally yielded to the Lord and trust Him with the things that concern me the most, to be sensitive to the promptings of His Holy Spirit and to let Him guide me in the way I should go instead of relying on my own intellect or trying to be in control of my circumstances.

With some doubts and mixed feelings, I decided to start the year by doing the Draw the Circle prayer challenge again even though I don't have anyone to do it with this time around and the instructions say it should not be done alone.

One good thing that has already come out of it are the reminders at the end of Day 1 of things not to do that I have done many times in the past, and that have led to disappointment, frustration, and in some cases pain and heartache. The two that were the most convicting were: "Don't try to manufacture  your own miracles," and "Don't try to do God's job for Him." 

Trusting God means not making assumptions about how He will answer prayer, or having expectations as to how or where His help will come from. I've done that many times as well, especially when I've had a financial need, and then been frustrated and disappointed when it didn't happen the way I anticipated it would. 

Finally, I'm getting it through my head that what I was doing was not really trust. I was putting God in a box and trusting in a source He may or may not have chosen to use instead of in Him alone. He has never failed me yet, and most times the source and timing were not at all what I expected it to be.

Another area I need to be open and yielded to the Lord in, is in how He chooses to use me--even at this late stage of my life--and not have expectations or make assumptions. That never worked out the way I thought it would either. 

I remember how early in my walk I wanted to be involved in a music ministry and tried to make it happen, and then felt devastated when it didn't. My attempts at leading Bible studies or sharing my testimony did not work out the way I expected or wanted either, nor has my desire to make a difference in people's lives through my writing. But maybe, unbeknownst to me, someone has been touched, and that was part of God's purpose and plan, and all He expected of me, and if so, that's all that really matters.