JUST A JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS

Thoughts come and thoughts go, as do the tears that flow down my face in tune to the rain outside my window that seems to ebb and flow as well.

For weeks I've been wanting to put my thoughts here, scribbled notes on little pieces of paper, started writing several posts even, but then gotten sidetracked and lost my train of thought.  This jumble is all that's left.

The tears were triggered by something silly in the big scheme of things. They were a response to thoughts I woke up with about the comfortable sofas that had been removed from the lobby of my church, leaving the space bare, with nowhere to sit. 

Gone was the warm, welcoming space where you could meet up with a friend during the week, the quiet spot where members of our Stephens Ministry could minister to folks they were mentoring, the place you could sit down with someone on Sunday in need of a listening ear.  When I bought it up to the powers that be, I was expected to understand it had to be done because of the growing numbers of people attending services, but I don't understand.

More tears over other things lost that have come with age and my present circumstances, as well as tears over regretted poor choices that have led me to this place. 

Tears over losses of friends and tears for those who are still here but suffering with far worse issues than I have ever had to deal with. Tears over loved ones who passed away without ever coming to Jesus, and over those I've been praying for who are close to doing the same. 

Buckets of tears over a financial pit I've been trying so hard to dig myself out of but that just keeps getting deeper, and not understanding why when God actually tells us to prove Him (in Malachi 3:10) and He always has before, but not now. And yet I know He is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19) and that all His promises are yes and Amen (2 Corinthians 1:20, Joshua 23:14).

In times past, I would try to "help" God along by taking matters into my own hands. That is never a good idea. In one major incident that always comes to mind, it would have gone far better for me had I not jumped to conclusions and just waited patiently on the Lord. Instead, two chapters of my memoir, Sincerely Wrong: An Improbable Journey (chapters 19 and 20) are devoted to the disastrous results. 

There was a devotion in one of my favorite devotionals about this very thing several days ago. It spoke about impatience being a lack of faith and trust in God.  A similar thought appeared in another devotion a couple of days later, that described worry as unbelief parading in disguise.

I know that I know that I know that God will take care of my challenge in His perfect way and in His perfect time. He always has and He always will. This time around I will just keep on keeping on the best I can, and trust Him with the outcome.