A FORGOTTEN PRAYER

As I sat down in my little prayer corner to do my daily devotions, I spotted a folded paper that had mysteriously appeared on top of my journal. Curious to know what it was, I unfolded it and found a three-page prayer a friend had e-mailed me for my birthday back in 2014 (almost 12 years ago).

How it got there I do not know, but the timing was perfect. More perfect than on the day she sent it to me so long ago. 

Among other things, it contained a link to a song sung by Israel Houghton.  It was a song that led hope to arise even though things were looking pretty bleak and hopeless in the natural.

 

My daily devotional offered further encouragement and confirmation of my friend's long forgotten prayer.

It started out with a question that described my feelings to a T: "Perhaps today you feel less than holy, worthy, or useful...but God can transform what is lowly to be of great use to Him, if only you are willing."  Followed by a reminder that despite my age, I am still a valuable work of God in progress, designed to become stronger in faith and in wisdom so I can become the blessing to others He intended me to be. 

I am willing, and as I stand on the cusp of this new year, I do so with faith and hope. I choose to let the old year rest, and look forward with great expectancy to what the Lord is about to do in 2026.

MEMORIES

Even though I am mostly content being by myself, there are times when I wish I had a special Christian friend to do life with. Whenever I have had such a friend, they have wound up moving away, or switching churches and getting involved in new groups and activities, or just making new friends whose company they preferred to mine. Sometimes the new friend would be someone I had introduced them to. That really hurt.

There was a time, before COVID, when I used to reach out to new neighbors, welcome them with a card or some home-baked goodies, and invite them over for lunch. There were people at church I tried to befriend as well by inviting them over for a meal. In some cases my hopes were high that we would actually become friends because it seemed that we had a lot in common to base a friendship on, but my efforts were rarely reciprocated, and more often than not, those hopes were dashed when nothing came of them.

What I don't usually stop to consider is that I too have done the same thing to certain people who tried to befriend me, by judging them before I really got to know them,  and discouraging their efforts because of some fault I focused on such as their being too negative or emotionally draining. Maybe the Lord sent them into my life for a purpose, and they might have turned out to be good friends had I ever given them enough of a chance to find out.

As I pondered these things, a haunting memory surfaced from many years ago when I was a young college kid working as a camp counselor at a camp for handicapped children and had befriended a special needs girl who worked in the kitchen. One evening she asked me if I would go fishing with her, and I used curfew as an excuse because I didn't want to go. 

Her response has stayed with me, but only now am I truly able to empathize with the pain behind her words when she said, "Everybody is very nice, but when you need someone to do something with, there's nobody there." Only now am I able to totally relate.

This post seems to be taking a totally different track than what I started out on, so it probably will sound disjointed, but mostly the posts I write on this blog are written for me and not very widely read, so that's okay.

Anyway, what first triggered me to write this post was that I needed to go out, but my car was buried in snow and the neighbor/friend who used to come to my rescue on snow days recently moved. 

I know the Lord is always with me, but I reminded Him that there are times such as this when I wish He would manifest through a real live flesh and blood person, and He reminded me how wrong my thinking is, and how many times He has guided me through the still, small voice within, and how many other time He has sent a live person when I really needed one.

If there was no one to help me clean off my car on this day, it was because He was giving me an opportunity to see that the snow was soft enough that I was able to do it myself, which would then also give my self-esteem a big boost. And so it was.

The truth is that God has always been with me (even back in the day when I had not yet invited Jesus into my life), and He always will be. He knows my needs long before even I am aware of them, and He has all the resources at His disposal to meet them. When I have a need that requires a flesh and blood person, He will send one to do the job. Like, for instance, way back when my husband had gone missing, and ten days after he disappeared the police came to the door of my apartment to tell me he had been found and I needed to go to the mortuary with them to identify him.

The Lord knew I would not be able to handle the sight of my husband's decayed body, and in perfect timing, sent one of his friends to go with me. As the police and I were leaving the apartment, the friend came walking down the hall towards us. He had heard the news from another friend who worked at the precinct assigned to the district where my husband had been found. Forewarned about what to expect, he had come to accompany me to the morgue and do the identifying for me.

That friend met my need, but he was not the source of my need being met. God who sent him to do it had been the source.

SOME THINGS I AM PONDERING

Some things I've been pondering these past several days are the following two statements that popped out at me from a devotional I was reading. They were so timely I have no doubt it was the Holy Spirit using them to speak directly to me.

We live by demands, when we should live by priorities.

To put your trust in human resources is to lean on a shaky crutch.

I get it, but I don't get it. (Like the father in Mark 9:24 who said, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!") 

I really do get it that God is my source and the supplier of all my needs. It is He alone who can help me out of the financial pit I find myself in. No matter how hard I keep trying, and how many hours I work, it's obvious that I can't do it in my own strength. 

What I have been pondering is how to differentiate between demands and priorities. Some are easy, but when it comes to work, not so much.

I am really grateful for the job I have. It's something I enjoy doing, but I am slow at it. As a result, the hours I put in to try and get as much done as I have convinced myself I need to are many more than they should be, leaving little time for anything else. 

The warning seems clear: I have allowed my work to become an all-consuming demand that I've talked myself into believing is a priority, and all my efforts to work longer and longer hours thinking this is the answer to my plight are futile. It's time to correct my ways and trust God to do what only He can do. 

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Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

...blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit. (Jeremiah 17:7-8, NLT)

FOOD FOR THOUGHT (FOR ME AND MAYBE YOU?)

Sometimes I feel so trapped by my circumstances and convinced that nothing will ever change. That, and remorseful that I am where I am because of the poor choices I've made. 

Even though I know God is in control and that I need to trust Him and keep my eyes on Him instead of on what my intellect tries to convince me to believe, I tend to be like Peter, who stepped out of the boat and started walking on the water towards Jesus, but then looked at the boisterous wind and raging sea, got scared, and started to sink (Matthew 14:28-31). 

A quote on blog friend Mari's blog was very convicting: "You worry too much for someone who God has never failed." Ouch!

Another quote that popped out at me recently was from a commentary in my Daily Walk Bible: "It has been well said, 'Our days are identical suitcases--all the same size--but some people can pack more into them than others.'" It was underlined, so it must have popped out at me when I last read this bible several years ago as well. 

What lesson I was supposed to glean from that I do not know, but I have often wondered how some people manage to get so much done every day, when it's a real struggle for me to even just try to get through the priorities on my to do list, no matter how hard I try. 

Perhaps it's a reminder that God does not measure success in numbers. He created each of us for a special purpose that only we can fulfill, and I am exactly where He knew I would be, and exactly what I need to be for this particular moment in time. 

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You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. (Psalm 139:16, NLT)

For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10, NIV)

AN EYE OPENING REFLECTION

While writing my post for Five Minute Friday on my other blog last night, some thoughts came to mind as I traveled down memory lane. 

The word prompt was Chocolate (click here if you want to read it).  

I haven't had chocolate in over 30 years now, but back in the day I was a real chocaholic. There was no such thing as a handful of M&M's or a few pieces of a giant Cadbury chocolate bar. It was the whole bag, or the whole bar.

My decision to give it up was made for a very heartfelt reason that meant everything to me, and because of that, it was an easy sacrifice to make. It has never felt like a hardship, and seeing it does not tempt me. So why then is it so hard for me to give up other things?

One thing, in particular--a nasty habit I would like to stop--has been an ongoing battle. Even though I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and that the same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead dwells in me, and even though I have prayed many prayers asking the Lord to help me stop, nothing has worked. 

I was about to give up my efforts, convincing myself that it wasn't really that bad of a habit, when the word prompt for this week's FMF challenge came along and triggered memories of my chocolate experience. It was a lightbulb moment the Lord used to remind me that if something is really, really important to us (as was what motivated me to give up chocolate) we can do it. 

SOBERING SUNDAY

This past week was filled wth many hassles and frustrations, which led to a greater recognition and appreciation of the blessings I tend to take for granted.

Take, for instance, my latest Sun Chips experience. Sun Chips--the original, as opposed to their other varieties--is one of my favorite snacks and was getting harder and harder to find. When I finally found some, I bought two bags and couldn't wait to get home and dig in.

Well, that turned out to be a disappointing letdown. They didn't taste the way they usually do. My taste buds detected a slight sweetness that I'd never noticed before. 

Sure enough, when I checked the ingredients I discovered they had added sugar to turn it into a "savory sweet crunch." Yuck! 

Chips are not something I need to be eating anyway, so this will just make it easier to cut them out and look for healthier alternatives to snack on, which made me think of how very blessed we are in my neck of the woods to have such an abundance and variety of foods available to choose from.

Another frustration was an emergency "boil water" alert issued by our Town because there was a break in one of the pipelines and the water had become contaminated with bacteria. An annoyance and inconvenience that only lasted a couple of day, and then we had safe, clean drinking water again, but it made me think of all the people in other parts of the world who don't have that luxury. Not only is their water contaminated, but in many cases they don't even have running water and have to walk a great distance to the river or other body of water and then fill and carry heavy jugs of it back home.   

These were some of the thoughts that were going through my mind as I drove to church this morning for my shift in the prayer room. As I prayed over the service, other things came to mind that I take for granted and shouldn't. Such as being able to come to church and openly worship the Lord without fear of persecution. Like many other churches these days, we do have a security team that patrols inside and out, but things still happen.

We have a real enemy (Satan) who prowls around waiting to catch us off guard. No one is immune. A wake up call to that truth happened just recently when a very dear friend, and one of the strongest women of faith I know, inadvertently allowed Satan to worm his way in through a chink in her armor and derail her. Who would have thought.

The Word tells us to be alert and vigilant, and on our guard, because in these end times, even the elect will be deceived. These are truths that are very real.

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Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. (1 Peter 5:8, NLT)

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10, NIV)

Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. (James 4:7, ESV)

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13, NIV)

So be on your guard, not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be clearheaded. (1 Thessalonians 5:6, NLT)

Keep alert at all times. And pray that you might be strong enough to escape these coming horrors and stand before the Son of Man." (Luke 21:36, NLT).

For false messiahs and false prophets will rise up and perform great signs and wonders so as to deceive, if possible, even God's chosen ones. (Matthew 24:24, NLT)

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. (Ephesians 6:11-12, NIV)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take. (Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

LESSONS LEARNED THE HARD WAY

Friday's FMF challenge (which I wrote about on my other blog) was the word prompt "Real." 

I wrote about how I desperately needed a haircut and was in the process of booking an appointment online. The person I wanted to book with was not available, and I was in too much of a hurry to wait until she was, so I booked with someone else who at one time I had wanted to try because of all the good reviews I had read about him.

As I was filling out the form, I felt a check in my spirit, which I ignored--despite my daily prayers for the Lord to make me supersensitive to the promptings of His Holy Spirit. Bad move!

At first the haircut looked beautiful. One of the most flattering I have ever had. But, as the saying goes, "all that glitters is not gold." When I woke up the next morning, it looked like a nightmare, and even washing it did not restore it to the way it had looked the day before. 

I will have to live with the results of my poor choice for a while, but not too long. Hair grows back, and in my case, it tends to do so fast. Meanwhile, it will serve as a daily reminder to not just pray for sensitivity to the promptings of the Holy Spirit, but to obey them when they come--even if they don't seem to make sense. God sees the whole picture, which I do not.

As I was writing that post, another incident came to mind from a very lomg time ago when I had done the same thing concerning a far weightier matter. 

I had received a marriage proposal and a job offer from someone who I convinced myself was mature, trustworthy, and responsible, and who I believed when he told me his word was something I could bank on. Nevertheless, I did have some mixed feelings, and I prayed for the Lord to close all doors if this wasn't from Him. 

He didn't close any doors, but there were little checks in my spirit. Little red flags the Spirit within me was trying to bring to my attention. In the end though, I chose to ignore them, and saw only what I wanted to see and heard only what I wanted to hear. When both his pastor and mine gave us their blessing, I reasoned that it was a sign of the Lord's blessing as well.  

Long story short (documented in my memoir/testimony, Sincerely Wrong: An Improbable Journey), after I compounded my bad choice by trying to help the Lord speed things up, closed my business, and gave away most of my possessions, both the job I had been counting on and the marriage fell through. 

Too late to reverse what I had done, I wound up at my out-of-state daughter's house--a homeless bag lady living out of the boxes I had been able to fit in my car, and inhabiting the top bunk of a granddaughter's bunk bed.

By God's mercy and grace, He eventually turned this situation around for my good and His glory, but the many blessings that were to come took a whole lot longer than the time it takes for a bad haircut to grow out. 

FEELING CONVICTED

There's a young neighbor whose life is not easy. Single mom of two kids--one severely handicapped, and now on hospice. I pray a lot, and try to make life a little bit better in small ways. Pick up a script, make a pot of soup or a favorite dessert. When her son was little, gave him a ride to school and picked him up. Let her know Jesus loves her despite what her circumstances may make it seem, and I love her too.

But today I felt annoyed and taken advantage of. Only for a moment. And then I was full of remorse for allowing Satan to push my buttons through thoughts he planted in my mind that didn't belong there. For a moment I forgot that he is the enemy--not the other person who does or says something that irritates me. I forgot that we are all playing a part in God's story, and nobody is in our life by chance.

Even a secular person like Shakespeare realized that when he penned the words: "All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players; they have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts..."

As I prayed for forgiveness and asked the Lord to help me see her through His eyes and remember how much He loves her, my perspective changed to one of feeling priviledged to be able to act as His hands and feet, and filled with joy that whatever I do for her I am doing for Him (Matthew 25:40). May I never forget that image, and may I be as patient and longsuffering with her as God has always been with me.

VERSES I'M CLINGING TO

The Message version of Isaiah 43:2 has felt very comforting lately -- When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.

That, and Micah 7:8 -- Do not rejoice over me, my enemy; When I fall, I will arise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me (NKJV).

A CHANGE OF PERSPECTIVE IS ALL IT TAKES

Be still, my soul, the Lord is on thy side
Leave to thy God to order and provide
In every change He faithful will remain
Be still, my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

(From hymn Be Still My Soul)

It's amazing how one small incident, so insignificant in the big scheme of things, could trigger unhealed childhood wounds I didn't even know still existed, and create such intense emotional turmoil.

On the plus side, I was able to restrain myself from reacting the way I wanted to, and would have in the past, but it took three rounds before I could do so without a twinge and know I had truly released it and let it go.

Closure, and a summary of the lesson learned, came in the form of this verse and commentary on Job 29-31 in my Daily Walk Bible reading for today.

Be still and know that I am God! (Psalm 46:10a)

The urge to talk, to defend, to demand explanations is strong in all of us. But take a lesson from Job. Sometimes it is preferable--and wiser--to say nothing and merely to listen for the still, small voice of God.

THE LETTER F

 

It's funny how the Lord works, and how He manages to redirect my thoughts in the most unexpected ways.

Today I started writing a frivolous post to distract my mind from weightier issues. 

F is for flower...

F is for fungi...

F is for flashback Friday...

The next F word that came to mind was forgiveness, and what I had written here the other day about an old, old post the Lord had led me to when I asked Him to open my eyes to any unhealed subconscious wounds from my past that were still affecting me, as well as any areas where I might still be harboring unforgiveness. 

And then immediately, as though lit up by flashing neon lights, the word flashback in "F is for flashback Friday," redirecting me to that old post instead of the photo from my archives that I intended to use.

So much for trying to distract my thoughts from weightier issues. That old post was at the very heart of the weightier issue I had been trying to distract myself from. How the other day I thought I had passed the test, but then came two more, and I didn't do as well with them. All they did was show me that I'm still allowing the enemy to use those old memories to push my buttons, and I'm not as unoffendable as I think I am.

I just read and re-read that old post again and realized that it contains the very solution I'm looking for. Who would have thought that the Lord would bring to my attention something I wrote 15 years ago and didn't even remember. What more proof do I need that He really does bring anything I write, however long ago it was written, to the attention of anyone He intends it to be read by--even me.

THE TEST

Writing in my journal during my quiet time this morning (as part of my homework on forgiveness and emotional wounds), I coudn't really think of anyone I needed to forgive, or any unhealed emotional wounds that I'm still being affected by, but the Lord proved me wrong.

I was writing out a prayer asking Him to open my eyes to any areas in my subconscious where I was still harboring unforgiveness, and to reveal any unconscious wounds that still weren't healed. And, just like that, He did. 

He took me way, way back to a blog post I wrote 15 years ago. It was a post so old I didn't remember writing it. Nor did I remember the incident I wrote about, or the friend I mentioned, but it did bring back some memories of old wounds inflicted in childhood and early adulthood. 

I thought they were healed though, because they just felt like old memories with no real emotion attached to them anymore--like an old scar or scab might be. Why was the Lord showing me this? 

I already knew this was what lay behind my tendency to jump to conclusions and feel slighted and upset when people seem to ignore me, or when they don't respond to texts or e-mails. Even though it still bothers me some, I thought I had come a long way in my quest to live an unoffendable life.

Well, there was an unexpected Part 2 coming, where the Lord would allow me to be tested to measure my progress.

THE TEST:  I shared the link to my post, along with my insights, with my group leader and asked if it would be appropriate to share on our study group FB page. She gave a very enthusiastic yes, so I did, and it was promptly removed. 

MY GRADE: I don't think my grade on the test was as good as I would have liked it to be, as my first knee-jerk reaction was, "I'm never going to share anything on that page again." But, neither could it have been too bad, because I pretty quickly caught myself and switched my focus away from the thoughts and conclusions that were starting to infiltrate my mind, to the many times the Lord has shown me that He can bring anything I write, however long ago it was written, to the attention of anyone (one or many) He intends it to be read by. My job is to keep writing and leave the results to Him.