THINGS I'M PONDERING IN MY MIND

I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were

not yet ready for it.  (1 Corinthians 3:2a, NIV)

After being out of debt for many years my finances took a turn south, and no matter how hard I've tried to work my way out of it, I feel as though I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit.

For quite some time now I've been praying for the Lord to show me what I need to see, or what it is that He is tryng to teach me through this very challenging season.  I pray for Him to help me understand why back in the day, bible verses such as Malachi 3:10 and Luke 6:38 were so easy to believe--a crumpled $20 bill on my way out of a store, an unexpected check in the mail, a huge tip on a small job, a quarter in the middle of a puddle when I stepped out of my car and realized I had no change to feed the meter with. Back then it was much easier to have strong faith that did not waver.

I have heard it said that life is like a classroom, and the trials and challenges that come our way are like the tests we are given in school to monitor our progress. As we get promoted to the next grade, the tests get harder. From that perspective, maybe back then, like the verse I quoted above says, I still needed to be fed milk to grow my faith and was not yet ready for solid food.

As if to confirm that thought, I came across a post I had written way back in 2011 while searching for something (unrelated to this post) on my blog. It was a post I didn't even remember having written, entitled His Grace Is Sufficient For Me, that started with a quote by F. B. Meyer--"...whenever our earthly stream or any other outer resource has dried up, it has been allowed so we may learn that our hope and help are in God, who made heaven and earth." 

The Lord still makes a way where there seems to be no way, even if it's not the way I would prefer. The bills get paid on time, and my immediate needs are met, but not as dramatically as they were in those early days when my debt would probably have been paid off as well. 

That old post reminded me to keep my eyes on the Lord and put my full trust in Him and in His perfect timing instead of trying to make things happen in my own strength and in the way I think they should. It reassured me that when I have mastered my current lesson and passed the test, I will be delivered out of my temporary pit. 

FEELING CONVICTED NOT CONDEMNED

Satan accuses and condemns us, but the Holy Spirit convicts.

Even though I have long known this in my head, it's a truth that only just made its way into my heart during a recent quiet time when the Holy Spirit gently convicted me of my need to change the thoughts I've been having and the words I've been speaking. There was nothing accusatory about it. 

I also felt a tender admonishment to fear less and trust more as my gaze fell on the wildflowers blooming on my balcony despite being swarmed and ravaged by spotted lanternflies. 

And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? (Matthew 6:30, NLT)

A TIME OF REFRESHING

Why am I discouraged? Why is

my heart so sad? I will put my

hope in God! I will praise him

again--my Savior and my God!

(Psalm 43:5, NLT)

Feeling weary from lack of sleep and seemingly unending challenges, I felt the need for a day of rest, of being able to sleep in and not even bother getting dressed unless I wanted to. So I stayed home from church today and had a mini retreat. Just me and the Lord.

During my quiet time, which is how I start my days, I picked up a tabbed notebook I used to document the amazing things the Lord  was doing in my life in. The tabs were of His names (Jehovah Jireh, Jehovan Rapha, Jehovah Shammah, etc.) and I would post the miracles under the appropriate tab. So many reminders of the myriads of times the Lord had miraculously showed up in unexpected ways. Why indeed should I feel weary or discouraged.

By the time I was done reading through it, I felt refreshed and filled with renewed hope and encouragement. 

Even though it does not change the facts, what an amazing difference a change of perspective can make in the way we experience them.

A SYMBOL OF HOPE

 

Feeling grateful for a day full of unexpected promise and hope that ended with a glimpse of this beautiful rainbow.

My heart is overflowing.

GOD'S ANTIDOTE FOR ANXIETY

This is the day that the LORD

has made; let us rejoice and be

glad in it. (Psalm 118:24, ESV)

Instead of continuing to fret over circumstances I have no control over, prayers that remain unanswered even though I don't understand the reason why, and the worrisome "what ifs" that were filling my mind, I finally decided to follow Jesus' exhortation to stay focused on the present. 

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Today has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34, BSB)

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? So if you cannot do such a small thing, why do you worry about the rest? (Luke 17:25-26, BSB)

Our brains can only focus on one thing at a time, and I have intentionally been training mine to stay focused on the present moment and what is within my power to do right now, and trust in God's plan and His timing for the rest instead of second-guessing His intentions and trying to help Him when things don't seem to be progressing the way I anticipated they should or would. 

The truth is (and this is not my original thought) that yesterday is gone and we are not promised tomorrow. Today is all we have. It is a gift from God, which is why it is called the present.

So many things we worry about never come to pass, and while we are busy worrying about them, we miss the blessings and opportunities right under our nose. I wonder if that's where the idiom "Take time to smell the roses," comes from.

AN ENCOURAGING EXHORTATION

Therefore strengthen your 

limp hands and weak knees. 

Make straight paths for 

your feet, so that the lame 

may not be disabled, but 

rather healed.

(Hebrews 12:12-13, BSB)  

Some days I feel weary, discouraged, and overwhelmed. But that's okay. So did Moses, Elijah, and King David, to name a few.

One of the things that discourages me the most is that I can no longer do some of the things I took for granted--like being able to just get in my car and drive myself to a scenic place or to visit friends who live more than an hour, tops, away, or go for walks with my camera. 

Some of it is my own fault because I keep neglecting my body. Exercise should be at the top of my list of priorities, but instead, it keeps getting put on the back burner, and I keep procrastinating and making excuses. As a result, my back is deteriorating fast. 

And there's also no good excuse for not getting out and walking, even though I can't do it as I did before, because I do have a rollator, which is just gathering dust in my car.

Anyway, all that to say, the above verse and devotion in my Streams In The Desert devotional this morning practically jumped off the page at me. I think--no, I'm sure--it was a very timely word for me.

The message (personalized) was that God really is ready to heal my physical issues if I would be consistent in my efforts to exert myself and get moving. No more one day on and four days off. It's time to stop making excuses and just DO IT!!! Even if I don't feel as though I can. I need to remind myself that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and not be looking for an easy fix.

The devotion went on to exhort me to march "through the flood" and the waters will part as the Lord leads me through to victory. But it's up to me to start marching if I want my body to be healed and my faith strengthened.

Move straight ahead, it exhorted me. Pay as little attention to discouragement as possible, and "plow ahead like a steamship, which moves forward whether facing rough or smooth seas." Leave no place unconquered behind you where Satan can boast of having overwhelmed you.

Abba, Father, please work in me to give me the willingness, commitment, and strength to follow through on this commitment to regular, consistent exercise that I am making today, and may the results glorify your Name and be a testimony that encourages others in the same place I was, and gives them hope. In Jesus' Name. Amen!

A LESSON REINFORCED

Trust in the LORD with all your

heart; do not depend on your 

own understanding. Seek his 

will in all you do, and he will

show you which path to take.

(Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT)

To trust means to walk by faith, not by sight; to follow directions regardless of whether they seem to make sense or not, but how easy it is to be swayed by our own intellect or what our senses tell us. A truth I was reminded of (not for the first time) on my way into town the other day.

The Maps app was on, and long before I would have needed its help, the voice was telling me to get off at the next exit. I thought maybe I had entered the address I was going to wrong, but couldn't check it out while driving. What to do?

My intellect was screaming at me not to do it. Town lay straight ahead. I must have accidentally entered the wrong destination. 

Since I was not in any hurry, I decided to follow the instructions even though they did not make sense. I was sure Maps was wrong, but I was also curious to see what would happen and where I would end up if I did what the voice was telling me to do.

Turned out Maps was right, and I was wrong. As I approached the exit, traffic had become bumper to bumper and moving slower than a snail. (This picture was taken through the windshield.) 

After I exited and took the turn it told me to, the road was clear ahead, and even though it was a bit of a detour, it took me straight to where I needed to go in much less time than it would have taken me in the stop and go traffic I would have been stuck in.

JUST A FLEETING MEMORY

 

It seems like a lifetime ago--and it was--and I rarely give it a thought anymore. But today I did--just for a fleeting moment.

The date popped out at me as I was reading one of my devotionals--a reminder (after I counted it out on my fingers) that today would have been 63 years.

My eyes teared up for a couple of seconds as I wondered what might have been. 

WITS' END CORNER

PERSEVERE 1

...they were at their wits' end. 

Then they cried out to the 

LORD in their trouble, and he 

brought them out of their 

distress.  (Psalm 107:27-28)

Loved this poem about not getting discouraged that was part of today's devotion in one of my favorite devotionals--Streams in the Desert. 

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner,"

      Christian, with troubled brow?

Are you thinking of what is before you,

      And all you are bearing now?

Does all the world seem against you,

      And you in the battle alone?

Remember--at "Wits' End Corner"

      Is just where God's power is shown.

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner,"

      Blinded with wearying pain,

Feeling you cannot endure it,

      You cannot bear the strain,

Bruised through the constant suffering,

      Dizzy and dazed and numb?

Remember--at "Wits' End Corner"

      Is where Jesus loves to come.

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner"?

      Your work before you spread,

All lying begun, unfinished,

      And pressing on heart and head,

Longing for strength to do it,

      Stretching out trembling hands?

Remember--at "Wits' End Corner"

      The Burden-Bearer stands,

Are you standing at "Wits' End Corner"?

      Then you're just in the very spot

To learn the wondrous resources

      Of Him who fails you not:

No doubt to a brighter pathway

      Your footsteps will soon be moved,

But only at "Wits' End Corner"

      Is the "God who is able" proved. -- Antoinette Wilson

(Copied from Streams in the Desert, May 23)

THE GIFT OF MYRRH

A sentence that jumped out at me from one of my devotionals: "No human heart can imagine the incomparable love God expresses in His gift of myrrh."

It triggered memories from several years ago when for a brief moment in time I did.  

JUST A JUMBLE OF THOUGHTS

Thoughts come and thoughts go, as do the tears that flow down my face in tune to the rain outside my window that seems to ebb and flow as well.

For weeks I've been wanting to put my thoughts here, scribbled notes on little pieces of paper, started writing several posts even, but then gotten sidetracked and lost my train of thought.  This jumble is all that's left.

The tears were triggered by something silly in the big scheme of things. They were a response to thoughts I woke up with about the comfortable sofas that had been removed from the lobby of my church, leaving the space bare, with nowhere to sit. 

Gone was the warm, welcoming space where you could meet up with a friend during the week, the quiet spot where members of our Stephens Ministry could minister to folks they were mentoring, the place you could sit down with someone on Sunday in need of a listening ear.  When I bought it up to the powers that be, I was expected to understand it had to be done because of the growing numbers of people attending services, but I don't understand.

More tears over other things lost that have come with age and my present circumstances, as well as tears over regretted poor choices that have led me to this place. 

Tears over losses of friends and tears for those who are still here but suffering with far worse issues than I have ever had to deal with. Tears over loved ones who passed away without ever coming to Jesus, and over those I've been praying for who are close to doing the same. 

Buckets of tears over a financial pit I've been trying so hard to dig myself out of but that just keeps getting deeper, and not understanding why when God actually tells us to prove Him (in Malachi 3:10) and He always has before, but not now. And yet I know He is not a man that He should lie (Numbers 23:19) and that all His promises are yes and Amen (2 Corinthians 1:20, Joshua 23:14).

In times past, I would try to "help" God along by taking matters into my own hands. That is never a good idea. In one major incident that always comes to mind, it would have gone far better for me had I not jumped to conclusions and just waited patiently on the Lord. Instead, two chapters of my memoir, Sincerely Wrong: An Improbable Journey (chapters 19 and 20) are devoted to the disastrous results. 

There was a devotion in one of my favorite devotionals about this very thing several days ago. It spoke about impatience being a lack of faith and trust in God.  A similar thought appeared in another devotion a couple of days later, that described worry as unbelief parading in disguise.

I know that I know that I know that God will take care of my challenge in His perfect way and in His perfect time. He always has and He always will. This time around I will just keep on keeping on the best I can, and trust Him with the outcome.

THIS IS NOT THE END OF THE STORY

So let's not get tired of 

doing what is good. At 

just the right time we 

will reap a harvest of 

blessing if we don't 

give up. 

(Galatians 6:9, NLT) 

Yesterday was a last drop in the bucket kind of day. Nothing was working out the way I had planned.

I had a small to-do list that seemed very doable when I wrote it, but not one thing on it actually got completed due to a project I was working on that looked like I could easily finish after church on Sunday, but I was wrong. It took all day Monday and Tuesday as well, and it's still not done.

This morning during my quiet time, I vented all my frustrations in a Dear God letter. I listed all the things I've been wanting to do and that didn't get done. Some of them were things I've been trying to do for quite some time. Some were resolutions I'd made and prayed for the Holy Spirit to help me follow through with because I knew I wouldn't be able to do it in my own strength, but the help hadn't come. 

I ended my letter with the words "I GIVE UP!!!!!" 

The answer I gleaned from today's devotion in my Streams In The Desert devotional was to hang on just a little bit longer, which is also the message of this song. 

But back to the devotion. It contained the passage from Galatians quoted at the top of my post, as well as a reminder that, "It is when heaven's heights are in full view that the gates of hell are the most persistent and full of deadly peril."

"The greatest challenge in receiving great things from God is holding on for the last half hour."