DON'T LET COMPARISON STEAL YOUR JOY

Whatever you do, work at it with all

your heart, as working for the Lord,

not for human masters,  since you

know that you will receive an

inheritance from the Lord as a

reward. It is the Lord Christ you

are serving. -- Colossians 3:23-24,

NIV

Last week I wrote a post on my other blog as part of a weekly challenge where we are given a word prompt and told to free-write about it for five minutes. The prompt was WORK.

I wrote about how my identity used to be tied up in my work and accomplishments, and how my self-worth was dependent on recognition received for a job well done, winning an award, or serving on some type of committee. But when I got saved, the Lord showed me that the unconditional love I had been seeking, and the desire to feel significant, could only be found through Jesus Christ.

Usually, after I post what I write I move on to other things, but there was a lot more that wound up surfacing when a friend told me her son had just gotten his first summer job at a local fast food place and how much he was earning. My first reaction was to be super happy for him and his proud mama.

And then pride reared its ugly head and I did something I should never have done.

I started thinking about my work as a freelance writer, but not about how it had been God's gift to me at a time when I had no inkling that my primary job of 23 years doing data entry and transcription would soon come to an end. I forgot how awed I felt that my God, who knows the beginning from the end knew that day was coming and was already setting a plan in motion for my needs to be met when it arrived. 

By way of a surprise offer for something I would never have thought to pursue, He had nudged me into this second job that required stepping out of my comfort zone and starting to use my intellect instead of settling for the less challenging routine one I had become so used to and that felt so much more secure.

It's a job I enjoy and gain much satisfaction from, but it stretches my brain to the max and I am very slow at it. Finding the right words to express what I'm trying to say does not come easy, and it can sometimes take me hours just to write a couple of paragraphs.

I don't know what possessed me, but after hearing the good news about my friend's son I did the math and discovered, to my great chagrin and indignation, that Master's degree notwithstanding, what I make an hour is only a fraction of what he does.

Before I acted on that foolish thought I had been content, but in one instant I allowed comparison to steal my joy. Kind of reminds me of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and their sin of ingratitude. Instead of focusing on my many blessings, God's mercy and provision, and all the positives in my life, I was seeing only what wasn't.

It's so easy for me to wallow in self-condemnation and regrets for the poor choices made and the squandered opportunities that led me to where I am today, and to think of how the friends I went to school with all appeared to have lived successful, meaningful lives. The truth is, we are all Divine originals, one-of-a-kind creations--not copies or imitations--and God has a perfect purpose and plan for each one of us. The very things I feel most remorseful about are the very things that led me to Jesus. 

I wonder if I ever would have felt a need for His saving grace had I pursued my talents and education to the fullest, or if, instead, I would have spent my life chasing after the perishable things this world has to offer instead of the things that have lasting eternal value.

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD - 2

Ah, Lord God! Behold, You have 

made the heavens and the earth by 

Your great power and outstretched 

arm. There is nothing too hard for 

You. -- Jeremiah 32:17, NKJV

Over the years the Lord has used my attempts at gardening to teach me many lessons—and sometimes just to encourage me and remind me to look up instead of around. And so it was in this season when the circumstances of my life were looking as impossible as the prospects of any wildflowers growing out of the seeds I had planted in my windowboxes this spring.

How happy I had felt when the sprouts started to appear. How full of anticipation. And how quick to get discouraged and disappointed when there was nothing but a bunch of green leaves. 

When the leaves started to droop and wither, and some even die, I pretty much gave up on them, although I did continue to water them from time to time.

One day, when I least expected it, God sent me a surprise.

A bud in one of the windowboxes, and a second one in the one next to it.  Soon the buds turned into two tiny flowers--one pink, and one blue.

I am grateful that God never gives up on me the way I was so quick to give up on my plants, and I am thankful that He cared enough to send me this little reminder that no matter what things may be looking like in the natural, He is always in control, and nothing is impossible with Him.

ASPIRE

Many are the plans in a 

person's heart, but it is the

LORD's purpose that

prevails. -- Proverbs 

19:21, NIV

ASPIRE was a word prompt in a weekly challenge I usually participate in. 

I started out by writing, "When I was very little I aspired to be a ballerina, and a few years later I aspired to be a concert pianist. Neither aspiration materialized. 

Then some years later I aspired to get married to someone I would grow old with and still be walking down the street with hand in hand. And I did get married, but my husband and I did not grow old together.

When I graduated from graduate school and was offered the job of my dreams, I opted for marriage and a move across the border. Sometimes I wonder what my life would now be if I had made a different choice."

Those words are still in my mind, as is a line I read (and it was not in Robert Frost's poem), that said "Don't regret the road not taken--you don't know where it would have led." I wish I could give credit to whoever wrote it, because it has turned out to be oh so true.

What seemed like tragedies in my past opened doors to many good things that would never have happened otherwise. An ill-advised marriage that turned out to be ill-fated as well, nevertheless led to the birth of two wonderful children from whom have come seven beautiful grandchildren and six great-grands.

There were other doors that opened as well, perhaps the most unexpected one being suddenly becoming an author of children's picture books in my senior years. 

But the best one of all came as the result of a journey I embarked on after my husband's untimely death. After many twists and turns, and getting lost along the way, it led me to the foot of the cross. 

Now what I wonder is quite different. I wonder if I had not made the choices I made early on, would I ever have felt a need for the Lord or for His saving grace? Would I have spent my life chasing after the things this world has to offer, instead of the things that have eternal value? Would I have missed God's gift of salvation, a greater tragedy by far?

My blog friend, Brenda, left a very true comment on my other post. "The most comforting thing in this world is (knowing) where we, as believers in Jesus, will go when we pass."

DON'T LOSE HOPE

Trust in the LORD with all your 

heart; do not depend on your 

own understanding. Seek his 

will in all you do, and he will 

show you which path to take. 

-- Proverbs 3:5-6

"Don't lose hope" were the words that greeted me when I opened my Daily Truth devotional this morning. "When you are down to nothing, God is up to something so great, you can't even imagine the effects it will have on your life." 

My quiet time today was filled with encouraging reminders and Scriptures.  It was as though the Lord was giving me a much needed pep talk to shake me out of my slump. 

Also from my Daily Truth devotional: "Does everything around you look bleak? This is the perfect time for God to step in and take over." Although He did not promise that life would be a bed of roses, He has promised to carry us through the storm if we put our trust in Him.

When you call to me, I will answer you. I will be with you when you are in trouble. I will save you and honor you. -- Psalm 91:15

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. -- Hebrews 13:5b

My Utmost for His Highest devotional spoke to me through the example of Peter (in Matthew 14:29-30), who stepped out of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus, but started to sink when he got distracted by the strong wind and waves (Matthew 14:29-30). It reminded me that no matter how overwhelming my circumstances may seem, God is in control and I have nothing to fear as  long as I keep my gaze on Jesus and my full trust in Him, 

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God. -- Psalm 42:11   

Today I choose to look at my problems as opportunities to see God at work. No matter what is going on around me, I will praise Him. The joy of the Lord is my strength (Nehemiah 8:10). 

I FEEL WEARY

"Come to me, all you who are weary 

and burdened, and I will give you 

rest. -- Matthew 11:28, NIV

On May 31st my virtual job of 23 years doing data entry and transcription came to an end. June 1st was supposed to be the first day of a new chapter of my life. A blank page waiting to be written on.  

For days I anticipated the beginning of this new chapter and being able to write about it in the brand new notebook that had been part of the parting gift the company that was closing its doors sent us. I prayed for the Lord to give me a special verse for this new season, and scribbled notes about how I would start off my narrative.

There was supposed to be a prologue I would write on the eve of June 1st containing my thoughts about all the endings in a long string of endings, all the dreams and resolutions that came to naught, and the things that didn't turn out the way they were expected to (except they probably had, according to God's perfect plan). It was supposed to be a time of getting all of it out of my system and leaving it behind so the new chapter about to begin really would be as blank as the new page in my new notebook.

Well, June 1st came and went, and despite my best intentions I procrastinated, just as I have procrastinated so many times before about so many things, and there was no verse, and this chapter did not start off any differently than the ones that went before. In fact, if anything, my challenges seem to have multiplied.

I feel so, so weary, discouraged, and overwhelmed. Like a bop bag that has been bopped so many times it has developed a slow leak that is making it harder and harder to pop back up again. And so here I am back to this blog, seeking comfort at the foot of the Cross. I lay it all down at His feet and pray for another chance to get it right.

On this day, almost three weeks later than I intended, I am starting to write on the first blank page of my notebook--except that this blog will serve as my notebook instead. And the verse I feel led to use for this stretch of my journey, even though it's not actually a Scripture verse, is a quote a blog friend wrote on my other blog in response to my request for suggestions: There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind. -- C.S. Lewis

I am so grateful that God never gives up on us, that He is so patient and longsuffering, that His mercies and grace are new every morning, that He loves us unconditionally, and that great is His faithfulness. I pray that as I share what the Lord is teaching me and doing in my life it will encourage you as well. 

Even though we can't change what has already been written in our story, we can change the way it ends. It is never too late for a fresh start. All things are possible with God!

REDIRECTING

I've been consolidating my blogs, and will be posting future posts on my Random Thoughts of a Great-Granny Grandma blog. Hope you will visit me there.

VISUAL OF A METAPHOR

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you 
remain in me and I in you, you will bear much
fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
(John 15:5)


Several of my large house plants were in need of pruning and repotting. A friend came over to help me, and before I realized what she was doing. She had cut all the leaves off the dangling stems of the nephthytis plant and tossed the bare stalks aside.

When she saw my look of horror, she told me the leaves would root if I put them in water.

Our friendship being more important to me than the plants, I zipped my lips and did what she said. However, not before rescuing the discarded vines, planting them in a new pot, and putting them out on my balcony.


The vines sprouted new leaves and flourished. None of the leaves, however, grew roots--neither the ones in glasses of water, nor the ones I eventually planted in hopes they might root in the soil.

Though the leaves thrived for quite a while, some sooner, some later, all started to fade and die.

SEATED AT THE TABLE

And God raised us up with Christ and seated us
with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus...
(Ephesians 2:6)

A friend recently posted a beautiful tribute to me on Facebook. It really touched my heart. For a few moments I felt valued, overwhelmed by warm, fuzzy feelings that made me all teary, and that lasted about as long as it took to re-read the post and zero in on the words about me being a connector. That's when my mind started meandering down a slippery slope of stinking thinking into a gallery where memories of painful slights, friends I had connected who preferred each other's company to mine and stopped calling or including me in their get-togethers, lined the walls. Fortunately, I had an antidote that quickly redirected my thoughts and cut my visit short, an antidote found in Heather Holleman's devotion on Ephesians 2:6.

In her devotion, Heather shares her struggles to earn a seat at the "table" she thought would bring her happiness, and how that caused her to live in a state of comparison and envy until the day the word seated in that passage of Scripture jumped out at her, making her realize we're already seated with Christ at His banquet table.  This truth transformed her life--and mine too. If you've ever experienced a similar struggle, I hope it will bring healing to yours as well.

No one needs to stand on the outside whistfully looking in. There is a special seat reserved for each one of us around Christ's table, the very best table, and all seats provide equal access to Him who loved us so much that He suffered and died on the cross so we could be forgiven of our sins and have eternal life.

WHEN GOD'S PLAN IS A DIFFERENT PLAN

Many are the plans in a person's heart, 
but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.
(Proverbs 29:19)

As I lie on an echocardiography table listening to blood slosh through valves, the enormity of what I've been through overwhelms me. My plan had always been to choose hospice over treatment should any major disease overtake me, but God had another plan.

My life flashes before my eyes, and I ponder how differently it turned out than I ever expected or imagined.

I remember the dreams, when I was young, of falling in love with someone I would grow old with, of having a close-knit family that enjoyed doing things together. I did fall in love, get married, and have a family, but my husband and I did not grow old together, and the many mistakes I made as a single mom could have killed any chance for the strong bonds I yearned for, had God not had a better plan.

In the years that followed, so many poor choices, so many squandered opportunities, but so great evidence of God’s mercy as well.

I think of friends I went to school with who appear to have lived successful, meaningul lives, and quickly remind myself that comparison is never a good thing. We are all Divine originals, one of a kind creations--not copies or imitations. The very things I feel most remorseful about are the things that led me to Jesus. I wonder if I ever would have felt a need for His saving grace had I pursued my talents and education to their fullest, or if, instead, I would have spent my life chasing after the things this world has to offer, instead of the things that have eternal value? 

Despite my age, I am still a work in progress, grateful that God does not measure success in numbers. I know that I am exactly what and where I need to be for this particular moment in His plan. From His perspective, my life is not the tragic waste I so often think it to be.  If I reach that one person He intended for me to reach, bring hope to that one discouraged heart, or lead that one soul out of darkness to the foot of the Cross, then my purpose will have been accomplished, and my life not lived in vain.

HE KNOWS, HE LOVES, HE CARES

He knows, He loves, He cares,
nothing this truth can dim,
He gives His very best to those
who leave the choice with Him.
(Source Unknown)

 Yesterday would have been the 12th Anniversary of my first ever blog--Random Thoughts of a Great-Granny Grandma. Though I never actually deleted it, it has become defunct. God, however, has an uncanny way of resurrecting what seems dead at a time when you least expect Him to, and His timing is always perfect.

This post is a repost of something I wrote shortly after venturing into Blogland. It would have remained forgotten, except for a comment that showed up in my e-mail this morning.

You see, one of the things that can still push my buttons, is not being acknowledged, and for some time now I have been praying for the Lord to heal me of this need, and just put whatever I write into the right hands at the right time. Today, He responded to that prayer by giving me a tiny glimpse into the unseen to reassure me that He is in control, and doing just that.

"Instead of going to Book Club today, I decided to stay home and write a Dear God letter about the ever growing mountain of frustrations I have been battling these last few weeks. Computer glitches that hold me up and keep me from doing what I want/need to do, friends who don't answer e-mails even when a response is repeatedly requested, legalism that doesn't allow for special circumstances, and on and on.

It all came to a head yesterday when I received an announcement from one of my job managers that we were getting yet another pay cut. Thanks to outsourcing, the choice has become work for less, or not at all. And the solution for keeping up with the growing cost of living? Work more hours and be grateful that there is still work out there to do. Kind of like the Israelites being told they had to continue making the same amount of bricks, but now they also had to collect their own straw (Exodus 5:6). Well, maybe that's a stretch, but it definitely described my frame of mind as I decided to take it to the Lord.

As I furiously scribbled, a couple of Scriptures came to mind. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men (Colossians 3:23); Promotion comes neither from the east, nor from the west, nor from the south. But God is the Judge: He puts down one, and exalts another (Psalm 75:6-7 ); Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Now I started feeling a little sheepish, and even more so when I felt that still, small voice in my heart gently questioning me: Have I not always taken care of you? Was there ever a need that went unmet? Have I not proved myself to you over and over?

Memories started popping up of my circusmatnces 11 years ago when I found myself uprooted and transplanted into an unfamiliar town, and how different things are in my life today. I remembered the days of overwhelming debt, the days of looking for change in the parking lot so I could go grocery shopping, the days of calling in sick to work because I didn't have money to put gas in the car. And I also remembered how the Lord provided in miraculous ways--not only for my needs, but for some wants as well. A crumpled $20 bill by the door of the supermarket; bags full of very gently worn designer clothes from a boss/friend who was constantly buying more and thrilled to find someone who would take the old ones out of her closet to make room for the new; a brand new car when the old one died.

Not that I would necessarily want to relive those days, but they were days when the Lord was able to reveal Himself to me in awesome ways. They were days when I learned to trust Him more than ever as I experienced first hand the manifestations of His faithfulness and love.

Today I am completely debt free, working in the comfort of my home at two jobs I really enjoy. Those are things I would never have dreamed of years ago when I first landed in this neck of the woods. And the Lord still continues to surprise me with little unexpected gifts from time to time. Like the check I recently received in the mail in an envelope with no return address. The name and address on the check were Paraclete, Philippians 4:19 (which for those of you not familiar with the Scriptures, is the address of a verse that reads And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus); the check number was not a number, but the sign of the fish; under the amount to be paid was a single line in bold print--With God All Things Are Possible; and the check was signed Paraclete. I still haven't figured that one out.

With each memory,the praises and thanksgiving flowed, and before I knew it, all the frustration had melted away, replaced by overwhelming peace and joy. Nothing had changed really, and yet everything had."

P.S. The picture comes from a post on my photo blog that reminds me to never say never.

TENTH ANNIVERSARY

The dark threads are as needful
In the weaver's skillful hand
As the threads of gold and silver
For the pattern He has planned.
(Corrie ten Boom)

 Today is this blog's tenth anniversary. I started out with lofty goals in mind, but allowed myself to be derailed by the sudden and unexpected. As a result, I was MIA for a whole year, and it took the following quote scribbled on a crumpled piece of paper to get me back on track.

"Dear  friend, God may send you some valuable gifts wrapped in unattractive paper. But do not worry about the wrappings, for you can be sure that inside He has hidden treasures of love, kindness, and wisdom. If we simply take what He sends and trust Him for the blessings inside, we will learn the meaning of the secrets of His providence, even in times of darkness." (A. B. Simpson)

To me, New Year's Eve 2018 was definitely a gift wrapped in unattractive paper. While others celebrated with toasts and fireworks, I lay in a Cardiac Intensive Care unit, intubated, hooked up to a ventilator, heavily sedated with Propofol and Fentanyl, and suffering from acute congestive heart failure, as well as double pneumonia. Yet, in retrospect, it truly did turn out to be a valuable gift filled with hidden treasures.

While still in the hospital, I felt inspired to write OIL OF MYRRH, a testimony to God's goodness, and the way He worked in my life during what started out as a very dark time. If you would like to read it, you can click on this link for a free download. I pray that it would bless and encourage you.

At the foot of the cross there is mercy and grace. There is forgiveness, healing, and deliverance. This is the place where the slate gets wiped clean and you can have a fresh start. All you have to do is believe it, and receive it.

A SACRIFICE OF TIME

Dear children, let's not merely say
that we love each other; let us show
the truth by our actions.
(1 John 3:18 NLT)

During prayer group this morning, our leader uttered a word she thought might be a message for one of us--sacrifice. No one responded. It definitely didn't feel as though it applied to me. Much later, though, while sitting in my car waiting for the light to change, a memory surfaced from long ago.

I was a camp counselor, and had befriended a special needs girl who worked in the kitchen. One evening she asked me if I would go fishing with her, and I used curfew as an excuse because I didn't want to go. Her response haunts me more today than it did back then. "Everybody is very nice," she said, "but when you need someone to do something with, there's nobody there."

I've always been selfish with my time, and have many regrets about how much of it has been squandered on things that have no lasting value. Sadly, I cannot undo the past, but I can change my priorities going forward. That word, sacrifice, may well have been a message for me after all.