HIS WAY IS BETTER THAN MY WAY

The LORD says, I will guide you along the

best pathway for your life. I will advise you

and watch over you. -- Psalm 32:8, NLT

Slowly, slowly, God has been revealing idols in my life I didn't even realize were idols, and how I have been relying on them instead of on Him and trying to micromanage outcomes that only He has control over. One by one, He has been stripping them away and redirecting my focus to where it needs to be. 

One major area has been work. Even though He has always provided for my needs and I've never been lacking, I exhaust myself working insane hours to try and get out of a financial pit He has allowed to get even deeper just to drive home the point that my efforts will never be enough. Yes, He expects me to do my best, but then leave the outcome to Him, knowing that He is the ultimate source of my supply. 

I have made idols of doctors and phlebotomists and now the new physical therapist who is doing wonders, but who is so booked up I spend a lot of time on his wait list waiting for cancellations. Again, instead  of trusting the outcome to the Lord who is the ultimate healer, I've been stressing about not being able to get enough appointments and the gaps between them being too long, when the fact is that  the Lord knows exactly how many appointments I need and when, and is quite capable of opening one up when He feels I need it, and without any help from me trying to manipulate things to fit what I think is best. 

 

It is so much more relaxing to relinquish control and rest in the knowledge that God's ways are better than my ways. I may not understand what He is doing at any given point or why, but I can trust that He is always in control and He sees the whole picture, the end from the beginning, whereas my view is limited to just one small piece of it. 

Things may not work out the way I want them to or expect they should, but of one thing I am sure. His plan is always the better plan and I might miss out on it if I try to hold too tightly to what I think is best and get in His way.  

IT'S ONLY A TEST

Stay alert! Watch out for your great

enemy, the devil. He prowls around

like a roaring lion, looking for

someone to devour. -- 1 Peter 5:8, NLT

This earth is not our home. It is more like a classroom where those who are in Christ and have accepted His gift of salvation are being refined, perfected, and molded into His image. The trials God allows build endurance, develop character, strengthen our spiritual muscles, and serve as a measure of our progress as we journey through life. 

My dying friend and her husband are shining examples of what it means to trust in God without wavering. His love shines through them even in the midst of their affliction, and their testimony has ministered to and encouraged me as well as many others. 

My friend's husband just sent out an update to let us know that she had been moved to an inpatient hospice facility. It included a beautiful tribute to her, as well as an account of how he had been able to witness to several people at the facility she was being transferred from about the goodness of God in the midst of the unexplainable. 

He likened their cancer experience to part of a masterpiece tapestry God is creating in which all of the good and "bad" things that have happened are being woven into the finished product. The difficult experiences are just as important to its beauty as are the joyful ones, and even though we may not understand or be able to make sense of them now, when we get to heaven the glory and beauty of what God has done will be revealed and we will marvel at it. Wow!  

My issues are so different from the ones my friend and her family are facing, and not nearly as devastating, but equally difficult to understand. For sure they aren't what I was expecting when I entered this chapter of my life with a blank notebook in which to record the things the Lord was about to do. 

He is doing many things, but not what I expected. I have had to give up my concept of what I think is best and acknowledge that not only are God's ways not my ways, but His way is the only way. He sees the whole picture, whereas my view is very limited. I need to trust that no matter what things may be looking like in the natural, He is in control and is working things out for my good and His glory (Romans 8:28).

I also need to remember that trials test the genuineness of our faith when Satan pushes our buttons and tries to get us to doubt the goodness of God, but God has given us all the tools we need in order to ace the test. He has given us His armor, His Word with which to counter every lie of the enemy, and the assurance that if we keep our eyes firmly fixed on Jesus and resist the devil, He will flee (Ephesians 6:11, 13; James 4:7). 

LORD, HELP ME OVERCOME MY UNBELIEF

Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do

not depend on your own understanding.

Seek his will in all you do, and he will

show you which path to take. --

Proverbs 3:5-6, NLT

Today has been spent pondering many unsettling things I don't understand. Like why a friend who was making great progress in her cancer journey took a sudden turn for the worse and is now very close to the end. Or why every time I think I'm seeing a light at the end of the tunnel where my finances are concerned, it is soon followed by a major setback like my flipper breaking, or needing new glasses. 

Life has been so unpredictable. One thing after another has failed to turn out the way I anticipated it would. The only thing I can be sure of is that God loves me, that He is in control, and that I need to trust Him no matter how things may be looking in the natural. Sometimes though,  my faith wavers and I feel weary, and it's easier said than done. Like the father in Mark 9:24 I too want to cry out to Jesus, "I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief."

One of my devotionals today had some timely words of encouragement. It reminded me that it was only when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus and fixed his gaze on the wind and the waves that his fear got the better of him and he started to drown.  The reality was that Jesus had His eyes on Peter from the very beginning, and there was no reason for him to be afraid.

God is with us every moment of every day, and if we keep our eyes on Jesus, the storms of life will not be able to engulf us and suck us down. 

SECOND CHANCES

Trust in the LORD with all your 

heart and lean not on your own 

understanding; in all your ways 

submit to him, and he will make 

your paths straight. -- 

Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV

I really took the lesson in yesterday's post to heart. Praying this time it sticks.

Was going to go on an outing to the Museum of the Shenandoah Valley with Joanne after church today.

Even though my back felt sort of okay, I started having all kinds of doubts. Maybe I should suggest we stay local and just take a walk on the trail since it's a bit of a trip to Winchester, and what if we get there and I can't walk--even with the rollator. Maybe I should take Motrin before setting out, just in case.

But then I decided no, I'm going to trust God to make it happen, and He did.

It was a beautiful day, not too hot when we started out. I did not take any Motrin, and I did not suggest staying local. So off to Winchester we went, and had a wonderful day. 

My rollator is awesome. With a couple of brief rests, I was able to walk around the gardens with Joanne, see all of the lego exhibit, and even the exhibits of miniatures in the gallery and in the Glen Burnie house. A total of approximately 3100 steps with no pain except for the occasional stiffness and ache that was quickly relieved by a few minutes of sitting on my rollator seat.

When we got home I even had enough energy left to make us some lunch,

Had I trusted in the voices in my head instead of in the Lord, I would have missed out on a wonderful gift of a very special outing with a very special daughter.

FEELING SAD

Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave

and courageous. Yes, wait patiently

for the LORD. -- Psalm 27:14, NLT

For the last couple of days I'd been composing a post in my mind about finding hope in unexpected places. Ever since I saw a little bit of green in the midst of what I thought was a very dead lantana plant I had tried to propagate in a pot on my balcony.

I so wanted that to be a miracle in the making that the next time I went out to check on it and smelled the strong sweet aroma that attracts butterflies and bees, I was convinced this was a God wink. Maybe it would have been had I left good enough alone. 

It was a really hot day, the soil was still moist, and there was rain in the forecast, but instead of trusting God to care for my lantana plant just as he cares for the thriving lantana jungle growing outside the front door to my building, I watered it anyway. Big mistake!

Two days later when I went to check on it again, there was no more aroma. This time the plant really was dead. The water that filled the dish under the pot gave evidence that I had drowned it. 

I felt devastated, and as I pondered what to change the title of my post to--Feeling Sad, or Slow Learner--a memory came to mind of a long time ago when the Lord had wanted to bless me (I thought) in a way that would have been so amazing and unexpected I was already rehearsing the testimony in my mind. But things weren't moving along as fast or as smoothly as I had thought they would and so I tried to help God along (as though He needed my help) by manipulating circumstances to try and rush things along instead of waiting on His timing. As a result, it all fell through, my life was turned upside down, and I lost the blessing I thought was to be mine, plus a whole lot more.

In the end, it all worked out for good, and though I didn't get the testimony I wanted to have, maybe the Lord allowed things to happen the way they did because He had something quite different in mind than what I was expecting. Something that, in the long run, was a much better plan.

When will I ever learn to just trust Him and go with the flow instead of trying to second-guess what He is up to and force an outcome I don't even know for sure is actually part of His plan? 

HE IS STRONGER

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. 

At just the right time we will reap a harvest

of blessing if we don't give up. -- Galatians

6:9, NLT

Was feeling so weary and discouraged today. 

For a little while I had felt hope when I discovered I could walk with a walker without pain, and then again when I had an appointment with a new physical therapist who seemed to really help and felt strongly that I had not reached a plateau yet. But then the next couple of walks were painful, and the therapist's schedule is so booked up that the only appointments I was able to get were few and far between. 

In the middle of my pity party, my thoughts of doom and gloom were interrupted by an urge to watch Sunday's Brooklyn Tabernacle livestream that I had not had a chance to watch on Sunday. 

Usually by the next day the praise and worship segment is gone, and only the message is archived, but today (two days later), it was still there, and I felt as though the worship leader was speaking directly to me as she introduced the chorus, "Stronger." 

Her words: "Whatever you are facing today, Jesus is stronger. Rest in Him. Know that He is fighting on your behalf. He is with you. He will strengthen you and give you everything you need to walk in victory,"

That was a reminder and exhortation that I really needed to hear.

SAVOR THE MOMENT

For I hold you by your right hand--

I, the LORD your God. And I say 

to you, "Don't be afraid. I am here 

to help you. -- Isaiah 41:13, NLT

This morning I was writing a post on my other blog for a weekly challenge I participate in. The prompt was the word MOMENT.

As soon as I saw the prompt, the tune and first couple of lines of an old hymn started playing in my mind and I couldn't get them out of my head.

                    Day by day, and with each passing moment,

                   Strength I find to meet my trials here;

                   Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment,

                   I've no cause for worry or for fear.

When I looked up the rest of the lyrics on Google, they contained a very timely and encouraging message, as well as a reminder to stay in the present moment and savor the good ones rather than allow anxious thoughts about the future rob me of the blessings right in front of my nose.

Today has contained many moments to savor. Waking up to a brand new day with less pain than the day before; noticing that the constant grab and pull ache in my hip was almost gone; having my prayer partner stop by for a live visit instead of our weekly Zoom; finding a can of one of my favorite soups a neighbor left outside my door; the delightful surprise of stepping into a cool, breezy day instead of the oppressive heat of the past several days that I've been trying my best to avoid; being able to take a short walk wthout my walker; getting some really good shots of the bees in the lantana jungle growing in front of our building; and being able to turn off the A/C and open the door to the balcony when I came back upstairs.

FEELING HOPEFUL

 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man

this is impossible, but with God all things

are possible," -- Matthew 19:26, NIV

Saw a new physical therapist this morning who was amazing. He seemed very knowledgeable and thorough, and did things none of the other therapists to date have done. By the end of the session I felt a huge difference, and he said he felt there was still quite a bit more that could be accomplished before reaching the plateau I thought I had already reached.

My plan had been to quit at the end of the month, but he convinced me to hang in a little bit longer.

TIMELY MEMORIES THAT ENCOURAGED MY HEART

I was about to write a post about focusing on the things I can do instead of the things I can't, when this timely memory popped up on my Facebook wall that says it all.

It was followed by a second memory that provided just the encouraging reminder I needed at this moment in time. 

FEELING SO DISAPPOINTED

 

Jesus looked at them intently 

and said, "Humanly speaking, 

it is impossible. But with God 

everything is possible. 

(Matthew 19:26)

After my encouraging experience the other day where I was able to go for a real walk with a friend (and the help of my walker), I started looking into rollators with a seat so I could take a little rest when going on even longer walks, and downloaded a virtual WorldWalking app to my phone to keep me motivated. 

Today, when I set out for another walk I had high hopes of making it even farther, but that's not how it played out.  I felt pain almost from the getgo, and was barely able to get three quarters of the way I had gone just a few days before. The way back was agonizing, and drenched in sweat, I practically collapsed when I finally got to my apartment.

I feel so, so disappointed. My first thought was to call it quits. Forget about the rollator. Forget about continuing with physical therapy. Just give up. That's what satan would love for me to do. But only God knows the end from the beginning, so I choose instead to keep on keeping on and put my trust in Him and believe that He is working all things out for my good and His glory.

Tomorrow is a brand new day.

CONDEMNATION IS NOT OF THE LORD

For God did not send his Son into the world

to condemn the world, but to save the world

through him. -- John 3:17, NIV

I've been feeling such a hodgepodge of contradictory emotions. Gratitude for my many blessings, but also pangs of remorse, and frustration, plus a good measure of guilt and condemnation for being such a wimp when it comes to pain, and for allowing myself to feel overwhelmed by my circumstances. 

I do trust in the Lord, even though my thoughts sometimes belie it. More than anything, I would like to be a person who makes Him happy, and to emulate those people I know who manage to radiate joy despite how their body feels, or how things are looking for them in this physical realm. Instead, I fall so short.

Even though I know condemnation is not of the Lord, I keep feeling condemned about many things. The same old, same old, like not having measured up to what I could have been, having nothing of eternal consequence to show for my life, having squandered my time and talents, being a glutton and procrastinator, a wimp, and now a new one--turning into a money pit for my daughter instead of leaving her an inheritance. 

Instead of getting exasperated with me or turning His back on me, the Lord, yet again, was merciful and kind, comforting me with timely reminders from within the pages of my devotionals. 

From August 11th's reading in our Daily Bread (which I had inadvertently skipped and that remained unnoticed until this more timely day), the reassurance that He loves me because of who I am--even at my worst! So great is His love for me (and the world) that while we were still sinners, He sent Jesus to die on the cross on our behalf (Romans 5:8).

And from a very old devotional by Renee Swope, came a reminder that God convicts us through His Holy Spirit. He does not condemn. Condemnation is of the devil--not God.

The Bible tells us that Satan is an accuser and the father of all lies (John 8:44, Revelation 12:10). He uses generalized statements of condemnation that he causes to run through our thoughts to make us feel guilty and ashamed.

God, on the other hand, through His Holy Spirit, uses specific, solution-oriented convictions to reveal a sinful action or attitude, and always, along with the conviction, an action to take to change it and make it right.

I've said this so many times, but need to say it again. I am thankful beyond words that the Lord never gives up on me, and that He is so patient and longsuffering.

FEELING GRATEFUL FOR THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD FEEL GRATEFUL FOR

Be thankful in all circumstances;

for this is God's will for you who

belong to Christ Jesus.

(1 Thessalonians 5:18, NLT)

Every morning when I wake up I thank God for the gift of a new day, and add some other things I am thankful for such as being able to see and hear and walk.

When my back issues started to get worse a little over a year ago it took me a while to be able to admit I needed a handicapped parking permit for my car. When I finally did, however, what a blessing it turned out to be. I am more than grateful to not have to worry about finding convenient parking spots anymore. and to be able to park right in front of wherever I need to go.

I've been going to physical therapy for quite some time now, and though at first I had high hopes, it's starting to look as though this is about as good as it's going to get. There has been some improvement but far from what I'd expected to see. Even so, when people ask how I am doing, my standard answer has always been "hey, I'm grateful I'm not in a wheelchair or on a walker." 

Though I'm still able to get around unassisted, I can't walk very far. Once or twice around my parking lot is pushing it. I miss going out for photo shoots, or on walks with my daughter, or being included in family outings. 

I know all things are possible with God, but maybe being free of back pain is not part of His plan. Or maybe it is, but not yet. Either way, I'm sure it's not His will for me to give up the activities I used to enjoy, and so I swallowed my pride and dusted off the old walker I had from when I was in rehab years ago. To my amazement, I felt no pain when walking with it. 

How that could be, I do not know, but thanks to it and to the encouragement of a caring friend I was able to take a walk along the trail for the first time in over a year. 

Though I can no longer say I'm grateful not to be on a walker, I can say I am truly grateful for the surprising new door it has opened up for me.