Whatever you do, work at it with all
your heart, as working for the Lord,
not for human masters, since you
know that you will receive an
inheritance from the Lord as a
reward. It is the Lord Christ you
are serving. -- Colossians 3:23-24,
NIV
Last week I wrote a post on my other blog as part of a weekly challenge where we are given a word prompt and told to free-write about it for five minutes. The prompt was WORK.
I wrote about how my identity used to be tied up in my work and accomplishments, and how my self-worth was dependent on recognition received for a job well done, winning an award, or serving on some type of committee. But when I got saved, the Lord showed me that the unconditional love I had been seeking, and the desire to feel significant, could only be found through Jesus Christ.
Usually, after I post what I write I move on to other things, but there was a lot more that wound up surfacing when a friend told me her son had just gotten his first summer job at a local fast food place and how much he was earning. My first reaction was to be super happy for him and his proud mama.
And then pride reared its ugly head and I did something I should never have done.
I started thinking about my work as a freelance writer, but not about how it had been God's gift to me at a time when I had no inkling that my primary job of 23 years doing data entry and transcription would soon come to an end. I forgot how awed I felt that my God, who knows the beginning from the end knew that day was coming and was already setting a plan in motion for my needs to be met when it arrived.
By way of a surprise offer for something I would never have thought to pursue, He had nudged me into this second job that required stepping out of my comfort zone and starting to use my intellect instead of settling for the less challenging routine one I had become so used to and that felt so much more secure.
It's a job I enjoy and gain much satisfaction from, but it stretches my brain to the max and I am very slow at it. Finding the right words to express what I'm trying to say does not come easy, and it can sometimes take me hours just to write a couple of paragraphs.
I don't know what possessed me, but after hearing the good news about my friend's son I did the math and discovered, to my great chagrin and indignation, that Master's degree notwithstanding, what I make an hour is only a fraction of what he does.
Before I acted on that foolish thought I had been content, but in one instant I allowed comparison to steal my joy. Kind of reminds me of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden and their sin of ingratitude. Instead of focusing on my many blessings, God's mercy and provision, and all the positives in my life, I was seeing only what wasn't.
It's so easy for me to wallow in self-condemnation and regrets for the poor choices made and the squandered opportunities that led me to where I am today, and to think of how the friends I went to school with all appeared to have lived successful, meaningful lives. The truth is, we are all Divine originals, one-of-a-kind creations--not copies or imitations--and God has a perfect purpose and plan for each one of us. The very things I feel most remorseful about are the very things that led me to Jesus.
I wonder if I ever would have felt a need for His saving grace had I pursued my talents and education to the fullest, or if, instead, I would have spent my life chasing after the perishable things this world has to offer instead of the things that have lasting eternal value.
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